Insatiable [h.s]

33

"I didn't take her and I never had any intentions to." Louis spoke calmly.

"Okay, forget about Millie. I'm just still not understanding how this happened." Niall pressed on, his eyes never leaving Louis. "How the hell were you—"

I watched Louis' eyes squint in annoyance before he snarled out, "I don't know what you expect me to say, Niall. It's not like I fuckin' wanted that shit to happen. You know I would have taken those bullets if I could have."

I know that's true.

And I know that Niall knows it too. Louis has taken a bullet for me before so there's no doubt in my mind that he'd do the same for Liam. Louis really shouldn't have gotten in the way that day though because now I constantly feel like I'm going to have to make it up to him one day and I hate that.

I don't like feeling like I have to owe people anything.

I leaned against the counter, my arms crossed over my chest as my mind started to drift. I just couldn't help it. I was bored of this whole conversation.

It was only about an hour since I found Rori in the bathroom trying to scrub all of Liams blood off of her skin, and since then I have showered and came down here to talk to Niall and Louis about what happened.

But I'm finding it really hard to concentrate. I keep getting that same image of her in my head. Her back turned to me with her shirt laying on the floor. She was only wearing a sports bra and the sweats that still had blood on them. I could see her face in the reflection of the mirror from where I stood in the doorway and I felt something in my stomach when I saw her, something I haven't felt before. It was a sickening feeling, one that I couldn't quite figure out.

It made me feel nauseous.

Blood, death, nothing else of the sort gets me queasy in the least. It never has. It's something that I've been used to seeing since I was a kid. But seeing her in the bathroom, her eyes pinched shut as she scrubbed at her skin, her body trembling, that made me feel like I was going to be sick on the spot.

That doesn't make any fucking sense. Normally people acting like that would just piss me off.

I don't know why I even walked over to her or why I took the washcloth from her so that I could help her. I don't help people. That's not who I am. At least, not anymore. Now I don't care when people are struggling with something, especially something like that.

It's all in their head. It's not that deep, it's just blood. I've done it a thousand times. I've grown up washing someone else's blood off of myself— washing my own blood off of my skin. I've never struggled with it and neither has Thalia, Niall or any one else in this family.

So why did I care that Rori was struggling with it?

"We should just be glad it wasn't worse." Louis said, his voice pulling me from my small trance.

Niall nudged me with his elbow earning a sharp glare from me. "Good thing H got here when he did."

He knows I hate people touching me— not for any specific reason other than physical touch means someone is close enough to me to touch me. I like having my own space.

The only time you should physically be close to someone is when you're having sex with them. And I don't mean physically with emotion. Sex shouldn't have emotion like that. It's nothing more than thinking someone is attractive, doing what you both want, then leaving. It's a physical attraction, not an emotional one.

Trust me, there's a difference.

I guess that's the only time being "close" to someone is bearable to me. But even then, I try to keep as much physical distance as I can. I just really don't like being close to people.