𝐀𝐕𝐀

XV. Wait, What..?

    Jumping a little bit as the door opened, in came the doctor with a smile on his face, I knew that now was the moment of truth and there was nothing that could be more real than now.
 
    "So Harper, you're not feeling well, what's the symptoms?"

      Dr. Hansen asked me as he grabbed his stethoscope and put it on, I gulped the saliva that I had in my mouth which bothered my throat.

    "Ear pain, headache, my throat has been bothering me for more than two weeks and I seem to have this white ball near my throat."

   I spilled my guts everything was right there, my mother put her phone down and she looked at me with her jaw dropped, the doctor looked at me and nodded slowly before asking me to take deep breaths.
  He looked a little uneasy with me and got me up to check my height and weight.

     "I've been losing weight like crazy by the way, I haven't even tried to stop eating."

   I told my doctor, it was a moment that the doctor stopped what he was doing and looked at me again, he seemed to be studying me.

    "Okay, I'm gonna transfer her to the emergency room, something's not right and I can't put my finger on it."

    Dr. Hansen told my mother, my mom nodded her head and motioned me to get off the bed, I was no beyond scared and there was seriously no changing that, my mom grabbed my hand as we quickly walked to he elevator and pressed the button to the main lobby.
   From there we run down to the emergency room, I had my heart beating out of chest as we walked inside.

    "Harper Jane Larson?"

   Another nurse asked, I raised my hand and was led to a room, I was given a hospital gown and was told to change in to it, I just didn't want to think of anything.
  I sat down on the bed as my mother began to pray, she had tears running down her face and she was visibly shaking from everything that was happening, a nurse opened the curtains and told me to follow her.

   "Okay sweetie, can you lie down on this bed and stay still?"

    I looked at the bed that was in the center of the room and sighed, I walked towards it and laid down on it before looking at my mom.
  
    "There's a button you can squeeze if you need anything, this won't be any painful."

       I nodded my head and held onto the button in case I needed to squeeze it, right now I had to close my eyes and just begin to pray for the Lord to help me out of this, to make sure that I would be okay.
  My eyes were burning because of the tears that I didn't dare let slip, I didn't want to cry because if nothing was wrong with me then I needed to be strong.

     It felt like forever before I was let out of the bed thing again, I got out of the bed with my lips quivering and my hands trembling but when my mom asked me if everything's okay, I put on a smile and nodded before walking back to the room.
   When my body lied down on the bed that was set up for me, it only made me tense up more.

   "Harper, why didn't you think to tell me sooner? Damn it Harp, I told you to always come if you didn't feel well!"

   My mother began as she stood up from her chair, I looked at her and scoffed.

   "Don't start, I didn't think it would even be that big of a deal!"

   I shouted back at her, she looked at me with a shocked look before crossing her arms, we both just stared at one another in silence as tears slid from both of our eyes.
  When the curtain opened again, it was the doctor and he had the most scared and devastated look on his face.

    "Harper has Oropharyngeal cancer, it's a type of cancer that begins in the throat but it starts in the throat behind her mouth which includes her tonsils."

    My heart dropped, I was shock and I knew that I was in shock because everything felt like it was going into slow motion with the way that my tears began to rapidly fall from my eye sockets.
   I was silent, I just lied on the bed as my mother began to ask questions and worry.

     "Harper, say something, anything is fine."

   My mother told me as the doctor left the room, I looked at her with the most dull and neutral look.

   " What is there for me to say? There's nothing there to say. "

    My voice broke as I looked at my mom, I couldn't believe what I had and I didn't want to believe it either.
   This is all my fault, it feels like my fault and the worst part is, everyone's going to know that this is my fault.

     The doctor walked back into the room to explain more of the cancerous tumor that I had growing in my throat, I didn't want to pay attention, I didn't know how to pay attention to that.

    "Is it, is it curable?"

  I asked as I sat up from the bed, I looked at him as he shifted his eyes from mine to my mother's and then back to my mom before sighing.

   "We aren't sure yet Harper, we have to make sure that it didn't spread and then from there we'll let you know."

    Right there, I couldn't stop myself from breaking down and sobbing on the bed, my mother walked up to me and hugged me tightly.
   I didn't want to do this, not now, not ever.

  I just needed a minute, it's all I needed.