I Kissed a Boy

29

~~DREAM~~

He lays me down on the bed and I looked at him. He got a bit damped as well and so I wanted him to know that I care about him. I care for him a lot and I thought so wrong about him so many times. He has proven me wrong those many times and here I was thinking of it all. I can't believe myself am such an idiot.

I tried cleaning all the tears that kept escaping and I just stared at him then I was looking around the room. The tears won't stop and it was starting to get annoying. I heard grunting and I looked upwards confused. I tilt my head as I see him frustrated trying to find something.

He checked if the door is locked and he removed his shirt and placed it on the door knob. I gulped as I stared at his well shaped body. I looked away. I can't look. That's not what a single girl is suppose to look. I can't look. I shut my eyes tightly as I didn't even flinch.

"What's wrong?" I hear him ask worriedly

"You... Y... Yo... Your shirtless" I stuttered out

I can't look at him. I will be punished. I can't look even with permission. Its disrespectful. Improper. I may be almost an adult but I cannot just look at a random shirtless man. Not even at the Beach I would look up. I heard a gentle laugh and I felt surprised.

"You are such an innocent girl" he spoke calmly very close to my ear

I felt my whole face heat up and I crossed my legs on instinct. I am not that innocent. I crossed my arms and I just felt a bit annoyed with that statement. I groaned out and just lay down gently. I felt him on top of me and I froze. My whole body rigid. 'What is he doing?'

"Look at me" it was an order basically

I gently opened my eyes but I didn't stare at him. The more I opened my eyes I saw his dark brown hair. 'Don't look. Don't look!' He tried getting into my vision but I didn't let him. Until he kisses my chest. I froze. My eyes stared at the roof as I felt the fear drawn me in. Oh god. This feels weird. Am I suppose to feel good?

He stopped and was above my vision and he smiles gently "Know that's how I can make you stop... Its not wrong if you look at me like this..."

I tensed up and I looked at his clear brown eyes while saying "Really? I was always told its improper to look..."

"If you do something wrong without the male's permission that's improper" he tells me gently

I went to speak but I shut up as I started thinking. I felt confused mom always told me I needed a chaperon when with a male. Know when married that is a different situation. Maybe I should study more about how everyone treats males as friends, boyfriends, Fiancé and Married. Is it different in each thing or in each method there is different moods and personalities.

I looked to the side as I felt utterly confused. Is there any difference in making love? Or is it a complete nightmare? Does it hurt? Will it feel good? Will I get pregnant? Or will he use protection? Will it be uncomfortable with the protection? Will I be itchy? I always shave but do men like it shaved or hary? I have heard many of these bad men say they like it smooth. Others have said they like it hary. Is it depending on the guy? Or the comfortability of the female?

"What is it that you have in your mind?" He asked curiously as he leans closely

"Am... Am... Am always curious so i... It kinda is weird" I stuttered out

His body presses with my own as with one hand he holds my side of the face "You don't have to be afraid of me... Relax... I won't do anything without your permission"

I felt surprised and I stared at his eyes. But he smiles and gets off of me gently. Not to fast or not to slow. Just gently. I felt surprised and I sat up. He opens the bathroom door gently. He points inside it.

"I know you shower rarely... But take a shower I will be back to bring you clothing" he admits gently

"Are you sure?" I asked a bit afraid

"Yes am sure go in... Take a long warm shower and I do suggest you wash your hair" he advices me as he just smiled gently

I get out of the bed and slowly walked to the bathroom as I felt confused. Will he laugh at me and slam the door in my face? Is this some sort of trick? What if he wants me close and drags me to the garage area and spray me with a hose? My skin can't take anymore of that hose. I reached the door and I felt my heart beat fast but when I entered. I couldn't control my next action. I looked around the bathroom and took in the smells of soap and shampoo.

Its been ages since I last got into a shower and not be clean by force. I looked around confused and so I just looked around. Fascinated about it. I heard the door close and I look back. Confusion is what I have and confusion it how it ends. Should I lock the door? Should I stay in here? Will he get mad if I take too long? I feel like this is a trick 'No... I must trust Lucas he has not shown any anger towards me... He said he will bring back some clothes' I slowly removed my damp clothing and underwear as I stretched my whole body.

I turned the shower on and it had the rain type of spray. I felt confused but I gently placed my hand and it was fairly cold. Will he get mad if I place the hot on? Or will he get annoyed that I left it cold?

Man this is so difficult.

~~END OF DREAM~~

I woke up feeling a hand on my face and I slowly opened my eyes to see Julian's face. He had the most gentlest smile I have ever seen. Warm and happy. Yesterday we had so much fun talking and laughing at the restaurant that when I arrived home I fell asleep with a smile on my face. I stared at the ring for hours and it made me so happy and that is how I fell asleep. Now I am waking up to Julian's smile right now. Is this how I will feel when we marry and move in together? 

My dreams are always weird. I never expect to have the best of dreams. They are always so weird. I tried sitting up slowly and I felt his arm leading me into a sitting position. I giggle a bit and I just yawn a bit. I never expected this happen. I looked at Julian with a slight smile and he just smiles widely at me. He moves my hair back and it was kind of weird. Is this how he acts when in love? 

"What are you doing here?" I asked gently 

"You forgot that we were going somewhere today" he tells me with chuckle 

"Oh... Where are we going again?" I asked curiously 

"Well I thought the beach but you don't like the beach so we are going to the river..." he answers with a gentle yawn 

It made me giggle and I say "Get me my bag so I can get clothing..."

"Don't worry I got enough covers and blankets in the car... Just get ready we'll eat on the way" he says while smiling 

I yawned again while saying "Alright..." 

"I will wait for you downstairs..." Julian tells me with a chuckled smile 

He stands up and walks away from my bed. I just stared at him with a tired vision. I have the worst of memories. But I am excited to go to the river. But ain't it a two hour drive to the nearest river? I'll through the way. Julian must be having a stupid mind. He must be excited to go somewhere different. In the end I will be laughing and swimming like crazy. I am excited. 

I am going to have the best of fun in the river.