Dispatches from a Teenage Girl

Chapter 29

I do not want to go to school today. My throat is raw. My eyes are puffy. I cried in bed until my tears dried up. I am still grounded. I am sad. I have no one to talk to. I have nothing to look forward to.

I mope my way down the stairs to the kitchen and look at my mom.

"I really don't feel well," I tell her as I rest my head on her shoulder. She looks at me and grabs my face and holds it directly in front of hers. She looks into my puffy eyes.

And I think, maybe, I see a bit of empathy in her eyes.

"Ok Lucy," she says. "I can see that something is wrong. You can stay home today. Just today. And I expect you to stay caught up on absolutely all of your homework and all of your assignments. We are too close to fall behind now."

I nod. I will. I will do all the homework as long as I don't have to see another single person today.

I sit at the kitchen table and she pours me a coffee and hands me a bowl of cereal. She doesn't ask any questions but I can feel her looking at me and I know. I know she knows. She always knew. And now she knows it's over.

***

That night, with my homework done and my eyes a little less red, I stare at my phone and wonder how I've gotten to this place. No dad and no friends.

I pick up my phone and dial Claire's number. I didn't even know I was doing it until I did it.

She picks up on the second ring. She's a call screener so this is a good sign.

"Hey," she says.

"Hey," I reply.

There is a looooong pause.

"So listen," I start, and it all comes out. "I am really sorry. About everything. And I miss you."

She interrupts me, "I miss you too." Pause. "Every day."

We both laugh. And for the first time in a long time, it feels like things are normal again.

***

The next day at school, as agreed upon with Claire the night before, I meet up with her and Grace by the front entrance before class starts. Grace looks at me and a huge smile breaks out across her face. I run into her arms. We hug for a long time. When we pull apart, we are both crying. Haha, so dramatic. I hug Claire tightly and don't want to let go. I cry some more.

We are ridiculous. But the feelings are real. I have my friends back.

***

As my mom and I sit down to have dinner, now one week into my monthlong grounding, I give her a look that she definitely recognizes.

"What do you want?"

She knows me so well.

"Well, um, I know I am grounded. But Claire and Grace and I, we sort of made up."

"What were you fighting about anyway?" she interrupts.

I shake my head. I am not ready to tell her that story. I am embarrassed that I ever let it get so far. And then I would have to admit a lot.

"Just dumb stuff. But I was wondering, if maybe, since I am grounded, they could come over after school tomorrow? Technically I would still be grounded, still at home, not going out..."

I give her my best puppy dog eyes.

"Fine."

I had a feeling she'd cave. She's always liked Claire and Grace, she's known them forever. And I can imagine it's a relief that I want to hang out with people she knows, and that are my age.