Unscripted. (H.S.)

43

Penelope Atwoods

I can't believe Harry took me to see Chicago last night. I don't think he gets it, but that meant a lot to me.

He enjoyed it too, that made me happy. I never spoke about the whole me on Broadway thing with him, I figured it wasn't really his thing, but last night he wouldn't stop talking about it. It made me happy, knowing he has such a fascination towards something that was once my whole life.

Tonight is night five, and Harry picked me up three minutes early, that same cheeky remark to greet me as I opened the door. Tonight he looks nervous though, even though he's playing it cool, his usual flirty, cheeky self, I can tell he's nervous. He's all tense and he's not even singing along to his songs. He also has both hands on the wheel, and Harry never drives like a normal person.

I recognised the route he was taking tonight all too well, a drive we've taken many times over the past month or so. I had a feeling we were heading to the place he said he's the most him, the place he showed me where he goes to get his head straight. Harry was taking me up to that hillside that looks over the city.

Harry stopped the car and took a deep breath, then another one before he got out the car to help me out the passenger side. Just like before I went home, we were sitting there on Harry's car bonnet, gazing down at the streetlights and hustle and bustle down in the streets of Hollywood.

Harry looked as if he was trying to speak, he just couldn't find the words and so I just sat in his company, giving him the time he needed to find the courage to talk. However, just when I thought he had it, he hopped off and grabbed a pack of gummy worms from his car.

"Sorry, I get hungry when I'm nervous." Harry said, opening the packet and hopping up next to me, "want one?"

"I'm okay," I chuckled.

"Didn't poison them I promise." He told me, shoving a whole one into his mouth and then the rest of the packet over his shoulder, somehow landing them back in the car. "Okay, gimme a sec and then we'll talk. Hopefully these worms eat the butterflies in my stomach, 'cause Christ almighty I'm like...nervous as shit."

"At least you're not vibrating." I smiled, trying to ease his nerves.

"At least I'm not vibrating," he sighed, "truth be told."

It's weird seeing him all riddled with nerves and anxiety, it's unusual because Harry never has been that way. He plays this cool guy who doesn't feel a thing, and that can't be him. I wonder if he knows that he can reveal his true emotions, that keeping everything all pent up isn't healthy.

Harry stood up, stretched his arms up behind his head and shook his hands with a sigh. He cleared his throat, took another deep breath and then sat back down on the bonnet of his car next to me, his legs slightly angled towards me and his hands resting in his lap.

"Okay," Harry sighed, looking me dead in the eye. "Penelope, I miss you. I really fucking miss you and these past few days have given me a glimpse of what it's like to have you back in my life, and it's made me miss you even more, I never want to be without you. And I'm sorry, I really am sorry from the bottom of my achy heart. I'm so, so fucking sorry, and I just miss you."

The hurt in his voice, the pain in his voice, both guaranteed that there wasn't a hint of deceit in what Harry was saying. Harry isn't one to get vulnerable and intimate with emotions, but right now as he sits next to me opening up, truthfully speaking about the way he feels, it speaks volumes.

"Harry-"

"No, I'm not done." He said, signing and then looking at me with a slight smile, "sorry, I just...let me say my piece or I never will, then you can say yours?"