T H I R T Y - E I G H T

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Unhinged
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I hurried to my dorm and collapsed in a heap on my bed. Tears flooded down my cheeks at the thought of what my life is.

I agreed to murder someone, on my own, Harry most definitely hates me, and Draco almost died only moments ago.

The amount of emotions I was feeling in that moment were so overwhelming. I have gone through way too much in these past months but have had almost no one by my side.

I miss what my life used to be. How did some stupid bet get me here?

I have disappointed everyone. I know my parents and Sirius are watching me in disgust, but I need to do this. I have been hurt for too long, and have been in the shadow of my brother for too long. It's my time.

I ended up crying myself dry, but by then, I figured out what I was going to do, and that involved seeing Draco first. It was likely he was alone in the Hospital Wing, and I don't want him feeling like that. I changed out of my robes, which were still damp from the event hours ago, and then I made my way to the Hospital Wing.

The castle was mostly vacant considering classes were over. During this time, most students are studying and hanging out in their houses, so it was a quiet walk.

It did not take long for me to reach the Infirmary, so I let myself in.

Majority of the beds were empty. There were a few students who were sick, and Madam Pomfrey was tending to them. At the end of the room though, there were two people talking. One was in bed, and the other, who was a girl, was standing beside the bed.

I walked closer to get a better look because maybe it was Draco.

Sure enough, it was, but the girl was Astoria. I felt my stomach flip as I watched her lean over and kiss him gently. Rage coursed  through me as I stormed over to the bedside. They pulled apart and Draco's face dropped.

"So much for loving me, huh?" I questioned. Does he really expect me to fucking forgive him if he is only going to prove me correct?

"Y/n, I promise... it's not what you think."

I laughed a sarcastic laugh, one that was full of pain because I got hurt, again!

"I should have left you in that bathroom, you asshole," I seethed.

"Y/n, leave him alone. He's been through a lot," Astoria bit.

Draco rolled his eyes at her. "No, you leave, Astoria. I'm sick and tired of you taking advantage of me. Get the hell out of my face."

"What're you talking about? Why would you accuse me of such a thing?" she questioned.

He pointed a shaky hand to the water on his nightstand. "That's not really water... is it?" he asked before glancing at me. "It smells like you."

I was raging and Astoria's cheeks were red as I snatched the glass off the table because I was not having it with either of them. I went to throw the water in his face, but froze when I picked up on the scent coming from the water. He was in fact, not lying. It smelled like him. She gave him a love potion.

"You're so fucking immature," I said as I whirled around to Astoria. "Accept the fact that he won't ever love you," I jeered before throwing the cup in her face. The liquid splashed all over her as she wore a look of anger.

"What is wrong with you!?" she snapped.

"Yeah, what is wrong with you?" I asked. "Please leave. You have caused enough stress for Draco. Thanks."

She huffed loudly and stomped off. I sighed tiredly and flopped down in the chair beside Draco's bed. Draco looked astonished.

"Well, thank you," he said.

I shrugged. "No biggie. How are you feeling?"

Draco chuckled softly, but winced after doing so. "Other than nearly bleeding to death because I got slashed by the ugly version of you, I'm fine."

"Well, I'm glad you're okay," I said dryly.

I was not forgiving him. Not yet. Not until he really proves himself.

"Are we okay?" he asked, as if he knew what I was thinking about.

I repeated his sentence sarcastically and waited for a response. All he did was give me a questioning look. Does he really think we're okay after every fucking thing he has done to me? I think the hell not.

"Of course we aren't! I don't care if you were under a love potion. You never came for me when I went missing and you cheated on me!" I cried.

"C'mon. That's not fair," he responded. "I had no control over my feelings! She took over me!"

"I don't care," I stated. "I know you love me. You showed that through the amortentia, however I want genuine feelings. Smelling me doesn't mean you'll treat me right, so prove it to me."

"Y/n," he said, trying to make a sentence, but I cut in.

"Don't make up some lame excuse because it will only push me away. Prove you love me. Please, Draco. That's all I ask."

His face was still but his eyes were tearful, showing all the emotion I needed to see. I know he was afraid of losing me. Honestly, that was enough for me to know he loves me. However, I want more than that. I just want him to intentionally prove his love... show me he thinks I am worth it.

"I do! How can you not see it?" he whispered in a jeer.

"Is what I'm asking for too much? Or should I go find someone else? I'm sure it'll be easy for me," I said cooley, glaring down at him coldly as I spoke.

"Fucking hell. The things I do for you, you little brat."

I laughed softly and stood up from my chair so I was right beside his bed. I took his hand in mine and smiled.

"Don't mess this up because I have the upper hand right now," I whispered after leaning into his ear.

Draco does not know the details of my little deal with Voldemort. Of course, I will hold it over his head as much as I need to get what I want, but I won't let things end badly for Draco after I finish off Dumbledore.

Needless to say, things were bound to get crazy for us very soon and I think as we neared those events, I was becoming more and more unhinged.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"Just don't mess anything up," was all I replied with before briskly leaving his side because I need to plot what was asked of me before it is too late.

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