GOLDWING (ing version)

chapter 24

There was nothing more painful for me than watching Vic grow weaker with each passing day. However, going on stage without her cost me even more.

One way or another, I would know that I had to get back on stage, with or without her. Alice had started rehearsing with us weeks ago, and was slowly integrating. They started booking events, all over the world, even in Japan. We were getting ready to come back with everything, stronger than ever.

One day they had brought us together for another meeting, in the studio. This time, even with Alice, replacing Vic, who had refused to go. They wanted our approval to participate in some events. Among some festivals was the big one, the biggest, and the most prestigious: Rock In Rio. This time, sharing the stage on the same day as our good friend Miley. Last year, we had to cancel the concert for obvious reasons. But this year, we wanted to come back strongly, and give an even more powerful show than the one we were going to give before. Besides, we would make a huge profit by being present at such a festival. On the same day, at the end of the afternoon, the confirmation of this great achievement was to be announced on Rock in Rio's official Instagram.

The four of us left the studio, happier than ever. We went downtown, to have a drink. We had introduced Rome to Alice, as she is from London and barely knew the city. Her accent was pure British, which made things even more fun. At first she was very shy and introverted, but as time went by she expressed herself more and more.We went to the Trastevere area. It is known by tourists for the nicest neighbourhood in Rome, and is one of my favourite places in the city. I spent many afternoons taking walks with Vic there, when we weren't even famous yet. And when I passed by there without her, I felt slightly empty, I felt like something was missing. For me, Trastevere was not the same without Vic walking curiously through the streets, taking pics of everything. We found a bar more or less at the end of the street, near some restaurants. We ordered 4 craft beers, and after paying, we sat on a bench in a square.

We watched the people passing by, citizens from all nationalities and parts of the world. In the middle of them all, I saw Lorenzo passing by, with Chili, and with Vic's bag in his hand. He gave me a sympathetic look, and kept walking to a drop off in the path. If he was with Chili and with her purse... it was obvious that she was also in Trastevere.

"Guys, I'll be right back, I need to make a... call", I said leaving the place.

I called her, 2, 3, 4 times, no answer. I started walking down the street, passing countless tourists and souvenir shops. I recognised that long blonde hair and leather jacket at first sight. I eventually found her near a car park, almost at the end of the street.

"Vitto!", I shouted. As she had ignored me, I ran towards her, and pulled her by the arm.

" Are you OK, Vic"

"Seriously, do you still have the balls to ask me if I'm okay, Dam? After what I just saw? For God's sake, just go away"

"I'm not leaving until you explain to me what happened"

"Okay, if you won't go, I will. Bye.", she said, in a cold way.

I wasn't getting to know Vic. Not long ago, we were so good with each other, and out of nowhere, she decides to get upset. But she had a reason for it, I could see it in her eyes. It was only up to me to find out what it was about.

I went back to the bench, accompanied by the rest of them. My leg kept shaking, and my head filled with thoughts. However, I didn't feel comfortable telling what was going through my head to the others, so I carried that weight on my conscience for hours. With so much put together, the next thing I knew, is that I was sitting in the back seat of my car, having a panic attack. The feeling was horrible. I couldn't breathe, I had a feeling I was going to collapse and I was trying to stay conscious. These attacks were getting more and more frequent, which scared the hell out of me. I thought I had them under control, but I was wrong. It's in those moments that I see the consequences of having temporarily stopped therapy.

I arrived at her house around 10pm. I was nervous, slightly afraid of getting a big beating, although I didn't understand why she was upset. I knocked three times on the door, and waited a few minutes. To my surprise, the person who opened the door was Lorenzo. With only one pair of trousers on, he called Vic, and leaned against the door. She returned, also wearing only a white, slightly transparent t-shirt. Was I interrupting something?

"Tell me Damiano, what have you come here, just now?"

"I... I couldn't rest without thinking of yo...I mean, of what you were upset about."

"Do you really want me to explain? Okay, I can.". she said, taking a deep breath, sitting down on stairs. "So, you know the day I went like drop-dead?

"Yes, obviously. May 22."

"And do you remember my therapist telling me I'd be free of all this restriction shit after a year had passed?"

"I think so, Giorgia used to tell me a lot about that. When I didn't te.... visit."

"They re-evaluated me. I'll be like this for another five months. And yes, I know you deserve an apology, I didn't deserve to be upset about anything."

"If I were you, I'd feel the same way. I know how therapeutic stages are for you, but I also know how dangerous they are. There were times when you had too many panic attacks almost every week. If they haven't left you yet, it's because you're not ready yet."

"But you know what makes me worse than the panic attacks before concerts? Seeing all the posters this summer with our band's name on them, and me not being able to go to any."

"I thought you were fine with the fact that Alice was coming to replace you..."

"Listen, Damiano. In the same way that I didn't accept your wedding 100%, it's also hard to accept that you replaced me."

"Don't bring my marriage into the conversation, for God's sake."

"But you know, I'm used to being replaced. So do yourself and me a favor and go away. Please, please, please."

"Vic, don't say that, for God's sake."

"Why? Is that a lie? Did I lied?"

"No. Unfortunately not."

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mel.