GOLDWING (ing version)

chapter 6

TW: SELF-HARM

VICTORIA'S POV

I woke up, with a super heavy head and with my face swollen, and I already recognized that feeling, I had through a crying hangover. It all felt like the world had stopped breathing it that stupid night that I argued with Dam. I looked around, and I saw some bottles of Redbull lying around my room, my bass that was hanging on the wall on the floor, and all the pictures I had with Damiano torn up around my bed. I grabbed my phone, opened WhatsApp, and tried to message him, and then I noticed that his profile picture was removed, and my messages weren't being sent. Yes, he had blocked me on almost every social network.

I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come back again. When I went to take a shower, I wanted to reach for my razor, but something in my head told me not to, and I ended up doing nothing to myself. While I was in the bathtub, I noticed almost all the bandages Dami had put on me unstuck slowly and observed my already vulnerable body getting even more unprotected.

After I got dressed, I started to feel even dizzier, which was maybe normal, my system was still energized in the grace of all that Redbulls I had drunk. It seems that suddenly, I no longer had... the will to live. I know it sounds dramatic, but that's exactly what I felt at that moment.

All I needed was a hug, a hug from him... Dam's hugs were therapeutic, they 'cured' me of a lot of things. He was never mine but losing him broke my heart.

2 days had passed. I needed one more day of rest, but that was the day that we would go to Zurich. I had a slight obsession with constantly opening WhatsApp and Instagram dm's to confirm if Dam had unlocked me, but nothing had changed. I wish I had one more day for rest, but this was the day we were going to Zurich. I ended up going to the airport with an oversized outfit, and a pair of deep dark circles.
I met Ethan and Thomas at check-in, and I perceived that they looked relatively worried.

"Vic, what's going on?" Ethan asked, worried.

" N.Nothing. I'm great," I said, scratching my neck.

"You and Damiano are very strange today," said the blond with the light eyes.

"And where... where is he?" I asked, a little nervous.

"I think he went outside for smoking," Ethan said sighing. "But he's weird, since he came here he still hasn't taken off his sunglasses."

When I got on the plane, I noticed that I was in the same row of seats as Damiano, but at least there was a person halfway us, Leo, our assistant. With my Airpods at full volume, comfortable clothes, and a completely messed-up mind, I slept soundly during the trip, so deep that when the plane landed Leo had to wake me up.

As I passed the stores in the airport, I remembered that memory of the perfumes. What a fucking deja vu. Leo and I went to various stores, while Ethan was with Thomas and Dam was alone. We leave the airport, many fans were waiting for us, and despite being exhausted I always try to be as nice as possible to them. I received some gifts, and among them was a drawing of a photo I had with Damiano in the final of Sanremo. The drawing was amazing, but it only reminded me even more of my fight with him.
We arrived at the hotel, and only then did I remember 1 detail: the rooms were double. And I usually stayed in Dam's room. We did this because Leo made the reservations with little notice, and the single room exploded, and we found it cheaper to book double rooms.

"Room 506, floor 8 for Mr. Torchio and Raggi, and 411, floor 7 for Mr. David and Mrs. De Angelis," said the lady of the reception.

No, I didn't want to be sharing a room with him, but if it had to be, I wouldn't be upset. I unpacked my suitcase, took off my clothes and lay in bed while I was listening to music.

"Well, I'll ask Thomas if he wants to switch rooms with me," Damiano said, rubbing his eyes.

I'll admit, it hurt like hell to hear those words come out of his mouth. That was too much for my psyche to handle. And I ended up not taking it. I grabbed my Swiss Army knife, opened the razor and that was it... Every second the blood ran down my arm, I felt weaker and weaker. On my lips, I felt that salty taste of my tears, and in distance, I saw that drawing.

We all can play strong at some point in life, but in the end, we're all made of flesh that can be cut and bones that can be broken.