Sarah Paulson One Shots

Its Still Dark at 6am~ D.S

               Request sillyshygirl23
  -Diane is readers mother. Reader is struggling with Depression.

TW~ depression, SH, mention of ED

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You sat on the edge of your bed staring out the window just feeling numb. Nothing else, just numb. You actually loved this feeling. Well... I shouldn't say love, but it's better then the other feelings You hated feeling things they just made everything worse. Hatred. Loss. Most of all, love.

Whether it was love from your mother or platonic from your best friend, you felt like you didn't deserve it. In fact, you didn't deserve anything. You didn't know why you were still here. If you had a purpose surely it would be something more than watching the snow flurries burry the ground below.

A gentle quiet knock on your door came out of the darkness of the room. 6:30am, right on time. Your mother always came in at this time to wake you up for school. "Hey sweetie." She peeked in. "You're already up?" She asked. Only giving her a nod, you turned back to the window. The auburn woman sat down next to you on the bed rubbing your back. "I don't feel good. Could I maybe skip today?" You leaned up on her shoulder, suddenly the rubs stopped.

"I mean sure, but you've been missing a lot recently. Are you sure there isn't something else?" Nodding again you turned back into the bed resting in the blankets. "Well, I don't have any classes to sub for today, if you feel better later maybe we can go do something?" "Sure." You fake grinned.

The woman gave a smile hoping there was a way to get you out of the house. You didn't know she'd been taking note on your change of behavior. Skipping meals, sleeping more than normal, cooping yourself up in your room, not to mention the marks on your arms. Diane absolutely hated seeing her baby suffer alone, but she lacked knowing the best way to bring this up to you.

Your mother shut the door behind her and once again you were alone in the darkness of your room. There was something comforting about this time of the year when it's still dark at 6am.
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    The sun blared through the curtains of your bedroom, highlighting your cheeks and singeing at your eyes as you woke for the second time today. Everyday was a loop. Wake up, eat breakfast if you couldn't get out of it, go to school, come home, go to bed, and start over once more. It was tiring and the more you realized what routine you were stuck in the more it numbed your mind. This made you have many urges for the need to feel something.

    That's how you ended up on the bathroom floor with a blade in your hand drawing on lines as if it was pencil to paper. Quiet sobs to yourself that had filled the room, escaped from the crack between the bottom of the door and the floor letting your mom hear you clearly.

    She heard the sniffles and choking back on tears as she raced up the stairs knowing exactly what you had done.
"Y/N, open up for me okay?" She knocked jiggling the handle a little. Diane heard you shuffling around in there crying a little more. "Sweetie, you don't have to be scared, It's just me your mom, you're going to be alright. Just open the door please." She paused with each sound that you made on the other side. You had put the razor on the counter a while ago put you still had blood dripping down your arms too bothered to wipe it off.

    "Come on, please y/n. I only want to help you. I know your struggling. Just let me-" you opened the door before she could finish her sentence. Diane's eyes trailed down to your arms before engulfing you in hers where you let out a few more cries. "Shh, it's okay. I got you. Im here." Her hand made it to the back of your head as she kissed the top. You let go leaving a stain on her shirt, but it was the last thing on her mind.

    "I'm sorry." You whispered. Your mother kneeled down to your eye level wiping the sadness off your reddened cheeks. "No no- it's not your fault, you know that." Shaking your head she brought you into another hug. "It is though." Diane pulled you away, dampening a warm wash cloth wiping the red off your arms. Tears began stirring in her eyes but she kept them away so you wouldn't feel guilty for making her cry.

    She stoped her motion cupping your cheeks. "No it is not. You know that. I know deep down you don't want to do this or feel this way all the time, but you can't help it. I understand." Your lip quivered to her words. She was right, you couldn't help it. You couldn't help that felt tired and numb all the time. You couldn't help that the only way you knew how to escape was sleeping and hurting yourself. None of it was your fault but it would take a lifetime to fully understand that.

    "I need you to come to me next time. That is what I am for y/n. I am not letting my child go through something like this by themself. You got me right here, you understand that?"  You nodded. "It's just really hard sometimes." Your eyes pricked with tears again. Diane brought you back into her chest once more rubbing your back in the process. "I know, I know baby but you gotta push through it with help of people who care about you, not by yourself."

     Slowly pulling away in agreement your mother led you back to bed where she held you close for as long as you wanted. "Mom?" You looked up at her where she hummed a yes. "Can you homeschool me?  School isn't great and I'm not doing all that well. I think being here will help." It took her a minute to think making you second guess your question. "I don't see why not." She smiled down at you brushing stray hairs from your face.

   "Thank you." You said laying your head back into her chest. "Of course, you know I'd do anything for you. I love you." Diane whispered softly planting a kiss on the top of your head. The two of you laid there for a while until you later fell asleep. You hadn't had this much peace in a long time.

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A/N~ I forgot what it's like not writing about Cordelia. Kinda funky.