Traces and Storms

xiii

   I hoped for the house to be empty. Facing Myungsoo after what had happened was far from comfortable. I stirred in my bed, and checked the time. I could still make it for my first lecture.

I opened my bedroom door, only to step back upon realizing Myungsoo was standing in front of me, bed hair and all.

"I was just about to wake—"

"Why didn't you leave?" I cut in. "Why are you still here?"

He shrugged. "Sleeping on the sofa was comfortable."

"I need to prepare for school," I began, exasperated. "And I can't face you at the moment. So please, go."

Myungsoo laughed. "Hey, we're basically adults now. Why are you being bashful? It's not like we did something lewd."

I sighed, and looked at him straight in the eye. "It's still wrong for me."

"Why?"

"Myungsoo, it's too early to have this kind of conversation I—"

"Why?" he pressed on.

I froze, and seeing he wouldn't budge, I crossed my arms—as if that was enough to protect myself from what was about to happen next. "I told you to stop, but you didn't."

He merely stared, encouraging me to continue.

"You say we're adults, and we are," I carried on. "But why didn't you understand, when I told you to stop?"

"Did you dislike it?"

I scoffed, utterly surprised that out of everything, the Kim Myungsoo would point that out. "I'd be lying if I said I did. But just because we find something pleasurable, it doesn't necessarily mean that we should pursue it. So can you leave? I'm really pissed at what had happened."

"Is it because I did that to you, despite what I feel toward Soojung?"

At that moment, something in me snapped. "Myungsoo, you have this bad habit of making everything about her."

"But you asked me about Soojung, too."

"I know, I won't deny it," I said. "But it's not just about that, Myungsoo. How we act toward each other isn't healthy. I can be here as a friend, but we should refrain from doing that kind of thing."

His gaze didn't waver, and it made me feel self-conscious. As if what I told him was something egoistical. Still, I never regretted saying that.

"I understand," he finally muttered. "I guess I did something that isn't Jongin-esque, huh?"

I shot him a look. "Why are you involving him?"

"I noticed it," he said. "Last night. With the way you stared. It felt like you were thinking, 'Jongin wouldn't do this kind of thing.'"

"Well, you're not wrong."

"You don't lie a lot, do you?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"I'm sorry for taking it too far last night," he said. "I'll try and control myself, but..."

"But?" I pushed.

"Hugging is still okay, right?"

"If the situation calls for it."

Myungsoo laughed at my response. "You really are something else, Bae Suji."

With that, he thanked me again for letting him stay, and he saw himself out. I stayed glued to where I stood for a few moments, registering what just happened.