Traces and Storms

v

   "I want to," I admitted. "But I think this isn't the right way."

Sungyeol flashed me that grin of his, exposing his straight teeth and pink gums. It was boyish, giving one the impression he would pull a trick on you. "You think I'd tell you?"

"You're one to drop subtle hints," I pointed out.

Upon hearing this, he grew quiet. He took another mouthful of cake, chewed it with gusto, and gulped it down.

"The both of you," he said. "Would get along well."

I shook my head. "He doesn't tell me anything."

"He doesn't have to," he replied. "You read people well. You hear them in their silence."

A long pause followed. I studied his face—if his eyes would flicker the same way others would whenever they lied. He held his gaze steady, his lips remained firm, as if he refused to take those words back.

"I could make a mistake and assume the wrong things," I pointed out. "I don't want that."

"Passion, not perfection," he replied.

I didn't reply. Those three words he dropped resonated, and it showed a grander picture inside of me.

"He's helping you a lot, too," he remarked. "I can see it in your face whenever you look at him, Bae Suji."

"He does," I said.

"And you have this certain effect on him. You're special to him. I hope you know that."

"Still," I blurted out. "There is this...wall whenever we talk. He's kind, and he says the appropriate things. He's too polite, and I hate that."

Sungyeol laughed. "You're a dangerous one, Suji."

"You should be telling that to Myungsoo."

"The both of you are dangerous," he pushed. "I swear."

"I don't understand, really."

"In time, you will," he said. "Hopefully. But I like it when you're around Myungsoo. He looks comfortable. And he is. I know he is."

"Is he not always like this?"

He shrugged, before taking a sip from his straw. "All I know is I love seeing him like that."

Before I could even think of a reply, Sungyeol stood up, and started cleaning after himself. "My break's almost done. I should go and help the newbie out."

"O-Of course," I said. "Thank you."

He laughed. "I should be the one saying that."

I cocked my head, and he nodded at me, before retreating to the counter.

-::-

The rest of the afternoon seemed empty, all because Myungsoo wasn't there. He wasn't there to cross our lawn, with his thoughts swerving left and right in the most reckless way possible. I realized, then, just how loud his presence was—or perhaps, just how much I depended on him. His temporary absence caused Jongin's traces to reappear. In the silence, as I sat on our porch, memories I had with Jongin flooded my mind. A movie splashed in vivid colors, flashing before my eyes.

That winter.

That spring.

That summer.

That autumn.

His laughter.

The way he sulked.