Disconnected ; Lashton

9. Sweet Familiar

Our music teacher gave us three weeks to practice before the performance, and that was two weeks ago. Now there are only so many days left until we all have to go up in front of the class and sing everyone our songs. In my case, unfortunately, I don't think I'll be singing at all. I haven't made any progress in communicating further with Ashton since I started humming in his bedroom. Although, now when we're alone in his car I can hum along to the music he plays. It's not a lot, but it's nice. I cherish any moment I get to be alone with him. I hope he feels the same, and I sort of think he does, but I'm not sure. I'm never sure of anything.

One thing is for sure though, (still yet to be named) band practice in Michael's attic is the best part of the week aside from when Ashton invites me to his house after school. Actually, he's on his way to pick me up for band practice right now, but he said there was something important he had to tell me before we go. I'm trying not to think the worst like I always do, but I can't stop my brain from wandering. Wandering to places like what if he's telling me I'm kicked out of the band? What if he tells me he just doesn't want to be friends anymore?

I'm trying to be rational, but what else could he possibly have to tell me? Nothing but bad news could be so important.

The familiar sound of his car pulling up outside sends me rushing down the stairs so fast that I almost trip and fall. Even if I'm scared that he's going to give me the worst news of my life, I'm still just as excited to see him.

When I make it out the front door, I nearly ram into him since he's waiting right outside my house. He's almost always in or by his car so I wouldn't have expected him to be right here! I manage to slow myself down enough but the sudden stop makes me stumble over my feet right into his arms. He laughs as he catches me and I go red all over.

"Sorry about that!" He says as he helps me get standing straight up again.

"I was just... um, do you think I could come in?" He asks. I'm about to turn right back around and open the door to let him in until he changes his mind.

"A-actually, uh... I don't know. Maybe it would be better if I told you in my car? You know, about that thing... I needed to tell you." For the first time, I think I hear a hint of fear in Ashtons voice. Is he scared? Of what? Is he scared of me, is that why he doesn't want to come in my house with me? I can't be upset with him for being scared since I have no idea what he plans on telling me, but it still hurts a little. Have I done something to make Ashton be scared of me? Or be scared of what I'll think?

I get into his car with him and step on my foot so hard that I think it will fall off. Seeing Ashton so worried makes my stomach hurt. He stares unblinkingly at my hands for what feels like an eternity then finally clears his throat.

"So. There's just something you should know. About me. And Calum and Michael too. They gave me permission to talk about them so I'm not- uh, I'm not. Not..." Ashton takes a deep breath and he won't look at me.

Ashton, you always look at me. Please, don't tell me this is where our friendship ends so you'll never have to look at me again.

He seems to be having trouble finding the words to say. Whatever it is about you or Calum or Michael, I'm sure it couldn't be any worse than the things you don't know about me. Just tell me, I wont judge. If I could tell you that right now, I would, Ashton.

"They gave me permission to tell you their... part, I guess. This is something you need to know before we keep being friends." Okay, that bit makes me calm down a little. We're still friends, this isn't how they let me down easy.

Like I said, whatever it is, it can't be that bad. It can't be any worse than me being-

"I'm gay."

Wait.