Disconnected ; Lashton

22. Something New

I was grounded for a whole week when I came home the next morning after Halloween. My mum wasn't even sure if she could ground an eighteen year old, especially since I've never done anything to get grounded over before. I could tell I scared her really bad and I felt terrible about it, so I took the punishment without any complaint. The one good thing that came out of it was that she was undeniably happy about the fact that I said 'mum' over the phone, even though I don't actually remember doing so. Since she told me that, I've been practicing how to talk to her out loud when I'm alone in my room.

Talking to Mikey and Cal has gotten easier but I can only really do it if Ashton's with me, it helps if he holds my hand. It's kind of pathetic and makes me feel like a child, but I guess it's still improvement.

Yesterdays band practice went well and our channel is still doing numbers from what Mikey says about it, but I've been too busy and caught up in my own life to check the internet lately. I've also been neglecting it because to be honest, it scares me sometimes. There's just so many people watching me, it's weird. I mean, I like the nice things people say, but I don't want to stick around long enough to catch the mean things. It's only a matter of time until I do, but that can wait. For now, I don't want to sabotage my chances at happiness more than I already am.

Despite being grounded up until yesterday, stuff hasn't been so bad lately. I made a new friend- Oli's been around a little bit, and he's fun to hang out with. On top of that, I guess learning how to relax and let myself have fun back on Halloween has changed me a little. Or maybe I'm just looking too deep into things, I don't know.

Obviously, life isn't perfect. It's still far from it. But... I've noticed that looking in the mirror isn't too hard these days. I don't find myself attractive, but I don't think I'm ugly either. So, that must be improvement too, right? Well, even if some things are improving, one thing seems to stay the same.

My... cutting... problem? I guess it's a problem. But I have a lot of problems, so who even cares? No one would tell me to stop anyway.

Enough moping around, though. I have somewhere to be today. Something to do, something I'm very excited for. Yesterday after band practice, Ashton asked me out on our third date. We would've gone on it sooner, but with playing our first gig, then Michaels Halloween plans and me getting grounded back to back to back, we just couldn't find the time. But today is finally the day, and I'm basically trembling with excitement. Somehow this is the date I'm the most excited for, because this one is going to be different. We're not going out anywhere this time, Ashton is picking me up soon so we can watch a movie at his house together. He wanted to do something calmer since we've been doing a lot of high energy stuff lately and I'm thankful for his idea because I honestly don't know if I can take another social outing for another couple of weeks. I need time to recharge my brain.

After I finish getting ready I slip on my hoodie- well, Ashtons hoodie- and walk down the stairs. My mum is waiting for me at the end of them and I try to evade her clutches but I'm too slow.

"You're not getting off the hook that easily, mister." She scolds, grabbing me by the back of my hood. I sigh in defeat and turn around so she can lecture me.

"I'm letting you go today because I like Ashton and I know you didn't mean to scare me like that on Halloween, but I'm still upset. You're eighteen but you can't just disappear on me, I need to know where my son is, okay?" I nod at her and pull at the ends of my sleeves. Even though I should be feeling guilty right now, I'm mostly ecstatic from hearing my mum call me 'son' even though she's done it countless times before.

"Text me when you get there, or... or I'll... I'll ground you again? Just do it. Got it?" I nod once more and she lets go of me just as I hear Ashtons car pull up outside. I answer the door when he knocks and butterflies invade my stomach when he gives me that dimpled smile.