Disconnected ; Lashton

6. Harbinger

The songwriting assignment is due on Monday, and it's already Friday. Ashton and I haven't gotten any closer to finishing it since Tuesday so I'm in his car on the way to his house again.

Ashton pulls up to the Elementary school that his little siblings attend to pick them up. Harry greets me with a big hi just like last time and Lauren is still as shy as ever. Once they're both in the car, Ashton turns around in his seat to look at Lauren who is sitting right behind me.

"So Lauren, aren't you gonna say hi to Luke? You've been asking me about him all week long!" Ashton teases her. Lauren just hides her face so I elbow Ash in the arm to tell him to stop. He told Harry to stop when he teased Lauren about me but now he's doing the exact same thing. He shoots me a cheeky grin and I shake my head with a smile.

Once at Ashton's house, he grabs snacks for everyone and we head straight up to his room. Being in his room again makes me happy, it's nice to be surrounded by everything that's so utterly him. I sit on his bed once more and instead of sitting at his desk, he follows my lead and sits right next to me. He pulls his shoes off and throws them to the floor so he can sit with his legs crossed.

"You can take yours off too." He says. I take mine off and feel silly that I didn't just do that in the first place. I copy the way he's sitting then he turns his body so that we're face to face. Our knees are touching despite there being more than enough room on his bed for us to have personal space. My breathing hitches when I feel his knees meet mine but I force myself to stay calm. Friends do things like this, friends sit like this, it's normal. Even so, this isn't just any friend. This is Ashton. My first real friend, and my crush no less.

Say something. Speak, Luke. You can do it. You want to. I do. I do want to. I want to so bad, in fact, that I've practiced to myself whenever I've been alone. I've thought about what to say, when to say it, how to say it. I should be able to do it. Why can't I?

"Did you write anything so far?" He asks me. Yes, I have. So say it.

No luck.

I get my notebook out of my bag and flip to the page I wrote the lyrics on. They're still the same as I left them on Tuesday, nothing else would come to my brain after that. All I could do was think about what I would say to Ashton when I spoke to him. I show the page to him and watch his face as he reads it over.

"I like this!" I furrow my eyebrows a little in disbelief since there are only four verses there and they don't even line up with each other.

"Stop, I really do! I like this a lot, it's a good start. Do you think maybe we could just go off of these? I wrote some stuff but it's... kind of embarrassing." Ashton says. I'm honestly curious as to what he's written and I'd like to see, but I don't prod. I nod and he bounces where he's sitting which makes me shake a little since we're on the same bed.

"Thank youuuu Luuuuuke!" He says, making a smile spread across my face. Ashton keeps reading the lyrics over and over and humming to himself as he tries to think of something to add. I like the way he hums. I wonder if I'll ever get to hear him sing. Does he sing? He does play drums, so maybe not. He bites one of his fingernails and I chew on my lip. Say something. He's right there. Even if I whispered it, he'd be able to hear me. I'm going to say something. I'm going to do it. Right now. Fuck, say anything!

It's pointless. When I open my mouth, everything I could possibly say slips away. Ashton groans, expressing how I feel inside perfectly.

"I'm hopeless at this! I can't believe I'm about to lose to Michael..." I look Ashton in the eyes as he talks. I can feel myself start to smile. My body relaxes and I feel so comfortable.

"...and his stupid song that I still think is going to be about pizza!"

And then I laugh. I don't even try to, but it comes out. Ashton makes me feel at home. There's no tension in me when he talks, how could there be? Usually, even if I find something funny, I just laugh inside my head, but being alone with Ashton in his room is like being all by myself because of how right it feels. I can't remember when the last time I laughed in front of someone was. The joy I feel in my heart just makes it come right out.
Ashtons face drops a little and his mouth is left open. Oh no. What? Did I do something wrong?