Platonic Hearts (Compass Series #1)

Chapter Thirty-seven

Lost

It was only a matter of days for me to completely lost myself. 

Rhysand and I barely communicate without looking at each other so tired... so hopeless. Nakakatakot dahil hindi ko man lang mabago-bago iyon. I kept on looking at him like he wasn't there or I don't know the man in front of me anymore. I know too well why I'm like this. He knows it too but doesn't want to confront me because I'm pregnant. At nasasaktan ako... nasasaktan ako para sa amin. 

We're like faking everything between us. Whenever he talks me... whenever he touches or kisses me... whenever he changes the topic if I ask about our families... whenever we act like we want each... whenever we made promises that will never be kept just to ease ourselves... It's just like we're only fooling each other. 

It's getting toxic... day by day.

It hurts so damn much... but Rhysand--Rhysand... Why does he act like what we have now is okay?

My heart pounded as I silently reached for my phone inside his jacket above the cabinet. Kinailangan ko pang pumatong sa dalawang silya para lang maabot itong pinagtaguan niya ng phone ko. Sa tagal kong paghahanap kung saan niya posibleng tinago 'to ay nakita ko na rin. He hid it in the kitchen... above the cabinets where I mostly took out supplies whenever I cook. He hid it in the most unsuspicious place for me. He knew...

Napalunok ako nang maabot iyon. Bumaba ako at tumakbo papunta sa banyo. I lock myself there trembling as I held on to my phone. Napaupo ako sa sahig at pinakalma ang sarili bago iyon binuksan. After months, this is the first time I hold it again. Thankful enough, I don't have to worry about its battery percentage. Rhysand's been charging this sometimes. Nahuhuli ko rin siya minsan na ginagamit ito ng matagal. He had probably gone though everything here.

I was no longer surprise when I confirmed it. Wala ng kahit anong apps ang nandito sa phone ko. I had no pictures left... and my accounts were empty. I had no single message left from anyone. Not a missed call, not a contact, even my files are gone...

Nagsilabasan ang mga luha ko. Hinayaan ko ang sariling humikbi ng malakas dahil wala siya ngayon sa apartment. I can't pull myself together anymore. 

What's inside this phone was my personal space... My belongings, I had so much memories here. Kahit papaano ay akin pa rin ang mga ito. How could he even...

I shut my eyes and let the back of my head hit the wall. How could he?

I opened Facebook though a browser. Mabuti nalang at nakarestore pa doon yung account ko. I gasped when the first post I saw in the feed was Rhysand. Nasapo ko ang bibig sa mga nakalagay na status roon. It was people calling him how much of an asshole is he and his family. There was an article followed by that post that was all about his family's business falling apart... About his father... About the scandal in our neighborhood... Sa sunod-sunod kong scroll ay ito lang ang mga lumabas.

It was all the same... It was indeed a shame. Wala ng pumapasok sa isipan ko ngayon kung hindi ang malaking kahihiyan na ito. People have been talking about us and I did nothing. I hide, we hide, surely my parents did hide too... They would never have the humility to face this. I don't even want to think about how these affects my younger sisters and their futures... They must've hated us. They must've hated me for living them behind. They must've hated everything.

I hate everything too.

It was all about our controversy I saw in the news feed until I saw one post. Kumunot ang noo ko at napahawak ng mahigpit sa phone ko nang makita ang isang video. Kakapost lang nito. It was Dash who posted it. He's one of Rhysand's close friends in the school. The video... It has Rhysand in it. He's drinking... H-He's drinking whiskey.