Platonic Hearts (Compass Series #1)

Chapter Twenty-nine

Broken Heart

"Aria... I-I'm sorry. I didn't know they'll be here too."

Hinigpitan pa ni Rhysand ang yakap niya sa akin. He was almost pressing me against the tree behind me. Umiling-iling lang ako sa kanya bago kumalas na. I removed my tears from my face and faced him. Pero hindi pa rin siya bumibitaw at nanaling nakabaon lang ang mukha sa leeg ko.

"Rhysand, it's not your fault. O-Okay lang... Okay lang... Nasa malayo naman sila," I tapped his back. He slowly removed his arms around me before reaching for my face. Tinulungan niya ako sa pag-alis ng mga luha ko.

He didn't speak, neither did I. Nakatitig lang kami sa isa't isa habang inaalis niya ang mga luha. But my tears seemed to overflow even more everytime I tried to picture them again. Gusto kong hindi isipin, pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan. I have... so many questions.

All I've been doing was setting this aside... Setting me aside... I can do that again and again, pero hindi ko talaga maintindihan... Mukhang mahal na mahal naman nilang lahat ang mga kapatid ko, ah? Pero bakit sa akin... Bakit ang dali-dali lang para sa kanila na maging masaya ng ganun kahit na nawawala na ako?

Tangina, paano? Paano nila nagagawang maging ganun kasaya? At buong-buo pa sila! Kung saan wala ako, doon pa nila naisipang magsama-sama! We never had family gatherings this year... but now that I'm...

Napasinghap ako at tuluyan nang napasandal sa puno. I give up on drying my tears. Rhysand also stopped and just held both of my hands. He brought them to his lips and slightly brushing them to sooth me. Mas napaiyak lang ako lalo sa harapan niya.

"How..." I tried to speak, but my voice only came out as a whimper. Kumapit ako sa mga braso ni Rhysand at humugot ng malalim na hininga. "H-Hindi ko na alam... Naguguluhan na talaga ako..."

I shook my head. "Naisip man lang ba nila na hanapin o kamustahin ako? I was gone... I was gone for weeks, Rhysand! W-Why do they look so o-okay? Kasi ako, hindi... Hindi ko gustong malayo sa kanila, Rhy... Gusto ko pa ring umuwi... Gusto ko pa ring bumalik... I still want to go h-home..." Hagulgol ko.

He continued kissing my hands, nodding at my words. His eyes were pleading for me to stop crying, but I can clearly see the hurt in his face. I don't if it's my blurry sight, or his tears are starting to surface in his eyes too.

"Sinunod ko naman lahat ng gusto nilang gawin ko, ah? I... I always put them first... I never talked back. Ilang taon kong tiniis ang trato nila sa akin, dahil akala ko isang araw mapaparamdam rin nila ang pagmamahal nila sa akin... Iniisip ko na isang araw ay ipagmamalaki rin nila ako kagaya ng pagmamalaki nila sa mga kapatid ko. Iniisip ko na y-yayakapin rin nila ako kagaya ng paglalambing nila sa mga kapatid ko... Parati kong iniisip ang mga iyon at sinasabi sa sarili na okay lang... Okay lang na unahin muna ang mga kapatid ko. Okay lang dahil madami pa namang pagkakataon..." Mahinang napailing-iling ako. "Pero kasi ubos na ubos na ako..."

"I don't know where to look for help everytime I needed someone. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako lulugar... I don't know what am I to them anymore, Rhy... I-I'm just--" I felt my lips trembled when I can no longer speak because of my cries. "I'm just so tired..."

Mapakla akong tumawa. "Wala na 'ata akong silbi sa kanila..." I shook my head again. "But I don't want to leave my family, Rhy..."

"Aria, hindi ka ba nag-iisip para sa sarili mo? I think they've hurt you enough. I they've given you enough reason to leave them," he said then lifted my face to look at him. "It hurts, I know... But there are things we can't control or change. And the only thing we could do is accept that, and start moving forward on your own."