My Safe Refuge

Chapter 37

I'm trembling with fear as I look at all the blood in the toilet. I hear Chris calling out to me as he enters the bedroom.

"Ellie? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm in here Chris...."

"Ellie.... What?"

As Chris enters the room his eyes go wide when he sees my blood soaked underwear on the ground.

"I.. I don't know what's happening Chris, I'm scared. The cramps are so bad right now and the bleeding hasn't stopped..."

"We need to get you to the hospital. Come on honey quickly."

I get cleaned up quickly and Chris helps me down the stairs. This can't be just my period, these cramps are like nothing I've experienced before.

After getting in the car Chris drives faster than I've ever seen him drive before. My cramps don't seem to be easing off and I've a horrible aching in my lower back.

When we arrive at the hospital, Chris helps me in as he calls to a doctor, we are swiftly moved into a cubicle and told someone will be with us soon.

"Miss Summers?"

"Yes, Ellie, call me Ellie."

I'm a nervous wreck as the doctor enters the cubicle. Chris has a firm hold on my hand trying to comfort me.

"Ellie, you said you are 6 weeks  pregnant?"

"Em, yeah it's been 6 weeks since my last period. I took three tests, the last one said I was 5-6 weeks pregnant."

"Okay, and you have been cramping and bleeding for how long?"

"It's about an hour and a half since I first noticed it."

"Okay, well sometimes you can have a bit of bleeding in early pregnancy but we'll just do a quick internal ultrasound to make sure everything is as it should be."

"Okay, thank you."

The doctor sets up the ultrasound. I'm starting to feel so anxious right now. It's quite painful as she starts the exam, I'm looking at the screen waiting to see something, it all looks alien to me. I'm just waiting to hear it.... The beating of a heart.

"Is everything okay doctor?" Chris asks nervously.

"I... I'm very sorry, I can't seem to be able to find a heartbeat. Your cervix is slightly dilated too."

"What? Does that mean... That I lost the baby?"

"I'll have to run some blood tests to be sure, but with your symptoms of the cramps and heavy bleeding, I'm afraid that it is most likely you've suffered a miscarriage."

I'm lying there in shock, unable to speak. I feel numb. My eyes start to well up, I don't know why I'm so upset I mean I didn't know I was pregnant until a few days ago. I didn't even want a baby but how come I feel such loss for something I never had?

"Are you sure?"

"It's very common within the first couple of weeks I'm afraid but I'll take some blood tests to check the hormone levels. We'll do one now, and then again in 48 hours, if the hormone levels have dropped it would strongly indicate that you've miscarried."

I'm lying there as the doctor takes my blood, I don't even flinch as the sharp needle pierces my skin. I feel Chris lightly squeezing my hand as he looks at me sympathetically.

"Ellie, honey, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault."

We stay in silence awaiting the doctor to come back.