44: No Fixing Us

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I knew sleep would stop the racing thoughts for a while, but the racing thoughts were stopping sleep. So much so, that the light was already filtering into the room from around the curtains while I hadn't closed my eyes for longer than a blink the whole evening.

There was no fixing us now.

With Ollie and Ben bonded, the only way they would ever break up is if one of them dies...

And while I know some people stay bonded with someone and have other relationships, it's not what I wanted.

I wanted to be her one and only.

But what was throwing me more was how our bond was still tightly wrapped around my heart.

If her end, the one in her subconscious, was gone, replaced by Ben... why did mine still exist?

Why did mine not disappear too?

At one point in the night, I dug out my mum's book from the shelves—scanning the pages about the witches who wiped their partner's memory. But there were no explanations for this.

She had only read of a handful of witches in her research that mentioned wiping the memory of a bond. And records suggest they always bonded again.

So what was my solution? Physically leave her until our bond breaks so that it won't hurt when I see her holding Ben, and kissing Ben, and loving Ben? How long would it take for ours to break if I did?

One month had passed between me wiping her memory and going to visit her in the library just before she would have met Ben... and even then, it was still just as strong.

So would I have to leave her for two months? Many months? A year?

Thoughts like that brought me back to the fact that I was supposed to take out my uncle...

But when I thought about taking him out, my throbbing heart selfishly whispered, What's the point in stopping him if I can't have her?

Um, I replied to it, saving the human species?

As the dust particles in the light beams became even more visible, suddenly my door opened.

"Happy birthday," he whispered, creeping into my room.

My mouth filled with venom, and rage bubbled below the surface.

This is all his fault, I thought as I glanced at Ben. But the anger I had directed towards him came to a halt as I took him in.

His eyes twinkled bright, the smile on his face magnificently wide. He was happy...

"You look like shit," Ben said as he sat on my bed, smile dropping from his face.

"Thanks," I mumbled, pushing myself up to a seated position as I rested against the headboard.

"I'm sorry," Ben then said.

My brows shot up as I glanced at him, his head turned to his lap.

"I was being an obnoxious prat towards you just because you didn't like me back... I won't be like that ever again, Lukas."

My nostrils flared as I looked away from him. Seriously? He bonds with Ollie but he still wants to talk about his feelings for me?

"Over the past few weeks... I realised why I was so bitter to you and so intent about getting her blood. I always knew you wouldn't like me back. There's a sense of safety in unrequited love. So long as I never said anything to you, you could never hurt me."

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