How to Love

Why Can't She Love Me

*warning* family trauma

I showed Nyla to the room where her mama was and she looked at her through the window.

Her mama has been the most difficult patient ever to say the least. She had cussed out every person that she came in contact with. She hated everything the cook made her and demanded that they make something different. She even called her doctor a B word.

Looking at Nyla I can't believe she was related to this woman. Even when Nyla does say something mean, she says it so differently that most of the time I don't catch the cuss words or negativity. Her mother on the other hand you feel everything she says!

She cussed Austin out so bad he went home early and I mean earlier than normal. Anytime someone has to go in there and check on her we gotta play a game of 'not It' because no one wants to hear her mouth!

I can see the small, and I do mean tiny,  similarities. They have the same nose and maybe the same eye brows...that's it. This lady has so much hatred in her that I can't see Nyla in her face at all.

Nyla took a deep breath and walked inside of the room. Hopefully she's nicer to Nyla than she has been to us, I mean she has to be.

Nyla told me how she said so many hurtful things to her, maybe she'll have a change of heart today. 

Once inside I stood to the side and tried to make myself look busy. I started to clean the walls. I wanted to be here just in case she needed me, but I thought it would be inappropriate to be all over her. Even though that's where I would rather be.

She turned her head at us and she was token back, I could tell she didn't expect to see Nyla.

"What's are you doing here?" She asked, sitting up. She looked amused and upset to see her daughter.

"That's seriously the first thing you say to me? I had no idea you were sick, why didn't you tell me?" Nyla said, her voice full of worry.

She stood a little away from her, maybe 2 feet away. She was playing with her hands nervously and moving side to side.

"Oh bullshit, you don't give a fuck about me. You've already made that clear when you dismissed my feelings" her mama said, pointing at her.

"Dismissed your feeling? If I ever did that I got that behavior from you because you're the queen of that. Why didn't you tell me?" Nyla said, quickly matching her energy.

"I don't have to tell you a damn thing little girl. I don't got nothing else to do with you. You're obviously okay with slutting around instead of getting paid for your looks" she laughed.

I still can't wrap my head around why she thinks it's okay to talk to her child like that! The worst thing my mama said to me was 'No you can't get another bowl of ice cream'.

Nyla didn't even flinch at her words. She just rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips. I wonder what's going threw her head right now.

"You know what you're right. I somehow forgot who I was dealing with. I don't know why I tried so hard to see you!" Nyla said.

"You're so pathetic! The only thing you were good for you failed at. What type of dumb ass did I raise? We could've had it all! Money, fam, a nice house, and so much more! You chose to leave me, so you chose for me to get sick. I was fine before you left" her mama yelled pointing at her.

"You would've had all of that cause that's all you wanted! You didn't care how skinny I was or that I was dying inside. You didn't care about nothing I went through as long as I won your damn money" she said, her voice starting to crack. She started off so strong and now she's cracking.