Peeling Back the Top Layer 🇯🇲

19| Never a right time

I look back at Steven still standing where I left him. The only feeling that surfaces is annoyance — no anger, no regret, I'm not even sad anymore. It feels like I never knew him. He means nothing to me.

Chaunard and I travel in silence to my house. "Are you alright?" he asks when we get to the gate.

"Yea. I'm good... Please pretend you don't know anything about Steven and Michael."

He looks at me incredulously, as if shocked that I'd even think he would utter a word to someone else. "Yuh neva affi tell mi dat. Mi wouldn't violate dem way deh."

"Thanks," I mouth, resting my head back on the seat and turning to look at him earnestly.

"Dat good Kelsie," he assures, adding "I'm here though if you ever want to talk about it. This is a safe place."

"There's nothing to talk about. He's sorry that I caught him fucking a man," I sigh.

"That's what he said?"

"His exact words were: sorry yuh did affi see Mi a do dat."

"Damn... that's fucked up."

"It's fine actually. I don't need an apology. Mi jus wish him woulda fuck off and leave me alone."

"I think I understand."

"Anyways, I had a good time tonight. Thanks." I turn to give him a goodbye hug. In the process, our lips brush and we both pull back into our seats.

"Sorry," he says under his breath.

"That's cool." I turn my attention toward my front door, trying to hide how flushed I must look.

"Kelsie," he calls, a silent command to turn my face back to him. In his eyes, I find the answer to a question that has plagued my mind since the day I learned his name.

"I like you," his statement doesn't catch me off guard. It only confirms my suspicions and actually makes something within my core rejoice. Deep down I knew it all along.

"But..." he pauses. That one word dumps cold water on the raging lust that blazes hot with the hope of finally getting a taste of him.

"Mi promise mi mother seh mi wouldn fool round wid yuh."

"She doesn't have to know." My breath hitches after my words come out low, needy and seductive. It is evidence of my salacious thoughts.

That's all the invitation that he needs to reach over and lock his lips on mine. We kiss and fondle each other, urgently trying to get a feel of the skin underneath our clothing. The contact feels so good that I groan when he pulls away.

"Mi cyaa bruk mi promise," he shakes his head. "For more reasons than one."

"What did you promise her?" I ask, trying to catch my breath.

"Mi promise her seh mi wouldn't have sex with you unless it was sumn serious." The pained expression etched on his face reveals his internal turmoil as he grabs hold of the steering wheel and presses his forehead against it... conflicted.

"What do you want though?"

"I don't think you're in a place to give that to me right now," he says.

I decide against pressing further since he appears to be struggling enough already. And also because he's probably right. My body is begging for a quick fix but I am not sure how my mind and emotions will handle casual sex. I've never done it before.

"Alright. Nuh beat up yuhself bout it... Thanks again for tonight. I'll talk to you later," I smile trying to push back the disappointment that is forcing its way up.

When I open the car door to leave, he flashes me a look marred with a mixture of lust, sadness, and regret. Still, he exercises restraint, whispering a soft goodbye.

"I need to pack anyway," he grumbles.

"Pack? For what?"

"The work trip. I'm leaving early Monday."

"Oh yeah ... I forgot about that. How long will you be gone for again?"

"Two months."

This time it's me who wears a sad face. "Okay, have a safe trip."

"I'll try," he says, giving me an apologetic half-smile.

Chaunard drives away soon after I get into the house and lock the door. He leaves me wondering what kind of man passes up the opportunity to have sex with a girl he likes. Unless there's more to it. I later receive a lengthy text message from him saying:

"I know you are disappointed but please understand where I'm coming from. If I just went with the flow then most likely we would be curled up in bed naked right now. But that would change everything. I don't want to risk ruining a decent friendship by giving in to our urges. It just doesn't feel right with everything you're going through right now."

Again, he's right. This might not be the best time to introduce another man to my life. Not in that way. But with us both knowing that we feel things for the other, can we be 'just friends'? Maybe, just maybe we should fuck it out of our system and be done.

"I understand. Talk to you tomorrow," I reply, tossing the phone aside in hopes of sleeping off the horniness he caused.

Him really stir up a nest full a fire ants an den a guh disappear fi two months.