Perhaps a Better Place [A Dadzawa Story]

Faulty: Chapter 59

     I pull on my combat boots and zip them up, then stand and pull on my long-sleeve black athletic shirt. I buckle the harness across my chest, adjusting the viles and securing the gas mask around my neck. With a quick glance at myself in the mirror, I fix my hair before leaving the entire room designated to sidekicks and their belongings.

     Rumi is right outside the room, waiting. Then, she turns, raising an unimpressed eyebrow. "That's... That's it?"

     I look down at my suit self-consciously, shrugging. "Kinda. My real one got ruined. Like, really badly."

     She examines me again and I cross my arms. "This is just temporary. I'm getting a new one next week, hopefully."

     She sighs. "It'll do. It's not too important right now anyway. Are you ready to head out?"

     I nod, tightening my belt just a little more as I follow behind her.

     "Today, we're gonna be working on one thing: your attitude."

     I blink. "My... Attitude. Is this a nice way of calling me a bitch?"

     She practically snorts. "No! That'd be hypocritical of me, anyway. I mean, we're gonna twist this cold indifference thing you got going on."

     "Twist my cold indiff- what? Can you speak a language I understand, please?"

     "Tell me, kid. Explain how you feel in a fight."

     I open my mouth to speak, but I pause, pursing my lips as I think back to spars in class, or even how I felt during the festival. Which, admittedly, was a very overwhelming experience and it's difficult to distinguish any emotion from another.

     "I guess... Spiteful, maybe? Not quite angry. But I know people don't expect much when I'm out there, and I wanna make them feel dumb for underestimating me, you know?"

     She nods. "When you're face-to-face with an opponent much larger than you, how do you react?"

     I blush slightly, answering, "It doesn't happen often. But I get nervous when it does. It's like I freeze."

     She looks over her shoulder. "You don't seem like the type to hesitate in a battle. I mean, the way you were tearing through those bots during the Sports Fest was pretty ruthless. And how you rushed the angry kid. You see what I mean?"

     "Those," I pause. "Well, those were all very high-stake situations."

     "And a real battle won't be?"

     I open my mouth to refute that, but quickly realize that I've come up short.

     "Gotcha. Well, today, I just wanna work on the most important thing when you're facing a singular opponent. You need to be able to stay unwavering and confident. Hesitating in a fight can be the difference between life and death."

     I nod. "Yes, Mirko-Sensei."

     She laughs proudly, and I can practically hear her ego inflating.

***

     The next day, after another night of talking with my friends and guardians and still feeling nauseous after I hang up, we do it all again, although I actually wake up on the couch this time, and to being gently shaken instead of someone yelling my name.

     Breakfast is the same, as is changing, and then we're walking to the training room again.

     "We gotta work on that flinch, kid. While fear is a natural reaction in any fight, this is also just training, and no one's actually going to hurt you. But flinching like that in a real fight leaves you vulnerable."

     I nod, slightly ashamed and embarrassed. "I know. I'm sorry. I know."

     She looks at me, concern flashing in her eyes. "What about it gets to you?"

     "Like... What makes me flinch?"

     "Yeah. You know there's no real danger, but you react anyway. Is it natural instinct? We have to squash that reaction."

     I bite my lip, then mumble, "The feeling of breath hitting my face always throws me off. And just that closeness makes me uncomfortable."

     She hums. "Are you, like, a germaphobe?"

     I shake my head.

     "Well, what do you think it is, then?"

     And in retrospect, I probably got too comfortable with the self-deprecating, dark humor. So when I say, "It's probably the trauma," I don't exactly expect how Rumi reacts.

     She stops dead in her tracks, turning to look at me with a mildly horrified expression.

     "What?" I ask. "Did I say something wrong?"

     "You can't just joke about stuff like that! You'll make me all worried and shit."

     I blink, then continue following her. "I'm not joking."

     She turns suddenly, raising her hand and I quickly jerk back, eyes wide.

     She lowers her hand, placing them both on her hips with a stern scowl.

     "Who's hitting you, kid?" She asks suddenly and it takes me several seconds to scrape up a decent response.

     "Wh... Uh- No! Nobody! I just thought you were going to!"

     "Don't fuck around with me, (L/N). Is Eraser... Does he hurt you? I'll fuckin'-"

     "No!" I nearly yell, quickly looking around before dragging her by the hand into the nearest room. "No, it isn't like that at all. Eraserhead is amazing and he would never hit me, and he never has, I promise."

     "But I'm not an idiot, kid. He's obviously-"

     "I told you!" I shout, getting unreasonably defensive. "He's basically my foster father. He got me out of that situation. Stop accusing him!"

     She stares at me for several moments, in my eyes, at my eyebags, at my lip scar. Some of her anger seems to fade.

     "I'm sorry. But I don't take blatant abuse lightly."

     "Aizawa is one of the very few people in my life that I can place my full trust in. It took a lot of hard work and pain to get where I am today. I promise, on my life, that Aizawa has never hurt me."

     "But someone has," she says with such certainty that I nearly start crying.

     "Yeah. You're right." I take a deep breath, knowing I have to convince her somehow or everything is gonna go to shit. "But they'll never get the chance again, because Eraser has dedicated so much of his time and effort into making it that way. He took me into his home, and he's been a shoulder for me to cry on through everything, even when I didn't want him there. And I won't stand here and quietly listen to you accuse him of the very thing he saved me from."

     She stares at me with wide eyes. After a second or two, she sighs and closes them, nodding.

    "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions about your situation. That was definitely shitty of me. I didn't realize you two were that close, or that he meant so much to you."

     I physically relax. "Aizawa is... Everything to me. I would be nowhere without him." I glare. "But don't fucking tell him I said that."

     She pats my shoulder. "It's good to let people know how you feel. Makes relationships stronger."

     "Maybe," I mumble. "But that's a level of communication that I'm not mentally strong enough for, yet."

     "I dunno," she hums. "You seem pretty eloquent. You ever tried writing a book?"

     I scoff, turning to leave the room. "Yeah, like I'd write a book about my life. That'd be so... depressing. Who'd wanna read it, anyway?"

     "Mmm... I'm sure some people would. You could be very inspiring, you know."

     "I... I doubt it."