Perhaps a Better Place [A Dadzawa Story]

Abandoned: Chapter 32

⚠️Minor body horror⚠️

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     I have many bad habits.

     Picking at the skin of my lips, the scars on my arms, grabbing and pulling my hair during panic attacks. Scratching open scabs.

     Staring in the mirror until I wanna cry every time I look at myself.

     Whatever.

     But my worst is my isolation episodes.

     Like my current one.

     Because Aizawa is in the hospital.

     Because I'm pathetic.

     Because Aizawa nearly bled to death in my arms.

     Because fucking villains attacked the USJ and almost took away everything- everyone- I had ever genuinely cared about.

     Had made my last thread of self-control snap and I almost killed someone.

     But they almost killed someone, so it would technically be in self-defense.

     Heroes don't kill people.

     I don't deserve to be a hero.

     Aizawa would disagree.

     He wouldn't approve of murder, though. You're damn-near his daughter at this point.

     I'm not. I'm the dumbest motherfucker alive. I deserve to be alone. I deserve the broken ribs and the giant gash up my side.

     And Snipe didn't mean to do it, but I did get shot in the chaos. The bullet went straight through my shoulder.

     Recovery Girl was able to heal it most of the way. The area is red and hurts when I move it, along with a circle of rigid skin where it entered.

     This stupid hospital smells like cleaning products and bad luck.

     I don't know what that smells like. Certainly know how it feels, though.

***

     I've only been in the hospital for two days. That's hardly any time at all.

     The nurse brings me food. I never eat it, but I appreciate his efforts.

     Another nurse frequently checks my IV. A doctor x-rays my ribs.

     They're all nice.

     My friends came to check on me yesterday. My memory of the event is fuzzy, as I'm on pretty strong pain meds, but I know I was happy to see them.

     Yamada-San has stayed with me since school ended earlier today. It's just after dinner, but I wasn't able to eat anything due to my surgery the night before last.

     Yamada-San looks tired. He looks as tired as I feel.

***

     Nemuri stays with me tonight. She sleeps on a small army cot that Yamada-San let her borrow, over on the other side of the room.

     It's currently almost six in the morning and I've been constantly in and out of sleep. It's frustrating and I wanna cry. I need a shower, I need to use the bathroom, I'm thirsty- stupid fucking broken ribs. Stupid messed up stomach muscles. I can't get up by myself.

     "Nemuri-San?" I whisper, my wrecked throat protesting. I can't be any louder.

     She doesn't so much as twitch.