Suga Oneshots and Sickfics

Nobody Knows 1

Requested by Anonymous and LifeSuvk

warning: depression, suicide attempt, blood

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Yoongi couldn't do it anymore. He had had enough. For the last however many years, he had struggled against this invisible enemy. He had stayed up nights, driven himself to tears, and to near insanity, and he hadn't found any peace yet.

He didn't know when it had exactly started. All he knew was that there always this empty feeling chasing him. He had tried so hard to keep it under wraps, but it wasn't working anymore.

People always said that it would get better, but what if it didn't? How were they so sure? What if he was one of those outliers who never got their happily ever afters? He had been like this for so long. If the end still wasn't in sight yet, Yoongi was ready to give up.

Suicidal thoughts were never something that he consciously summoned, but rather things that creeped into his mind when he was too tired to think about anything else.

It somehow provided peace. Yoongi wasn't stupid - he knew how sad his loved ones would be. But what about him? Didn't he deserve some happiness? Or was he forever doomed to a life where he could only think of others? Was it selfish to put himself first, in just this - perhaps the biggest in his life - one choice?

Yoongi didn't know. But for once, he was too tired to find out.

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There was a sense of finality in everything that he did. It was weird. He didn't have a plan or anything. Just... a sense that he wouldn't be here for much longer.

He felt lighter somehow. He felt like everything was going to be okay. No matter the situation, Yoongi had a way out. He had a way that he could escape any problem. He didn't have to deal with anything.

He drifted through the days, not caring anymore. He was going to be gone soon anyway.

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"He's so weird nowadays," Jimin said.

Jin shrugged. He glanced at Yoongi carefully. He was sitting, turned away from all of them, on the couch. There was a pale look in his eyes, but other than that, he looked utterly disinterested in the world around him. Jin couldn't help but feel that one of them had done something wrong. There had to be a reason why Yoongi was so detached.

"It's getting kind of annoying," Jimin continued.

"Mmhm. I guess so."

"I wish he would just talk."

"Yeah."

Yoongi absorbed himself into his phone. He could hear the others murmuring something on the other end of the couch, but he didn't really care. He didn't try and understand the world around him anymore.

"Want to come sit next to us?"

Yoongi glanced up at Jin, who asked the question. He shook his head.

"I'm good." His voice came out as a weird croak.

He didn't miss the way that Jin's face fell or the way that Jimin subtly rolled his eyes. It's okay, he had a solution for all of this. Just give him a few more days to plan and finalize.

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Slowly, slowly, he was aware of the changing attitude towards him. He had thought that maybe they would be sympathetic to his issues, but they seemed indifferent. Yoongi guessed that they might not know everything, but still. A little bit of care goes a long way.