The man with the gloves [bucky barnes ff]

55

He's not answering. Why isn't he answering? He always answer my phone calls. But not this time. He said he'd pick me up from work so we could grab something to eat but he didn't. I called him like a hundred times and it went to voicemail straight away. Now I am standing in front of his apartment door knocking against the door.

"Bucky? Bucky, are you okay?" I start to get worried. This is not like him.

A door rips open but it's not the one I want. My mother steps out of my apartment. "What are you doing? Why are you yelling out here?"

"Just go back inside, please." I beg her. I don't want her to see me like this. She'll only use this against me.

"Stop embarrassing yourself and get in here."

"Mom, just go inside!" I yell. She opens her mouth in surprise but closes it again. She is as shocked by my outburst as I am. "Please, just go inside. I'll be right there."

"Just know that you're looking really pathetic right now." She murmurs before disappearing in my apartment again. I take a deep breath and knock on Bucky's door again.

"Buck? Please, open the door." I continue knocking on his door for the next ten minutes but I don't get a reaction. I panic and rush downstairs. Luckily the janitor is still there. "Excuse me, sir, I am Isla Austen from the apartment above. My boyfriend lives across the hall but he's not answering my calls and he's not opening the door. Could you please help me get inside?"

"I am really sorry, miss, I can't do that. There are contracts preventing me from just getting access to his apartment."

Fine. Guess I'll have to use convince him some other way. I start crying and sobbing uncontrollably. "Please, sir, I am begging you. I am worried. He never does that. Please, just this once, please."

His expression falters and he starts panicking. "Okay, okay, okay. But please don't cry. I can't handle it when girls are crying. Here is the key. Here, take it. Just bring it back to me once you make sure he's okay."

"Thank you. Thank you so much." I smile through the tears and take the key. I run upstairs and unlock his door. The first thing I see is glass. On the floor. And then blood. Also on the floor. A billion of scenarios fly through my head. "Bucky? Bucky? Are you here?" I try to ignore the blood but I can't. There's so much. He is fine. It's Bucky. He's fine. He wouldn't to anything stupid.

"Bucky?" I walk to his bedroom. "Oh my God! Bucky!" He's sitting on his bed, his blood soaking bed and his hand is bleeding with glass splinters in them. "Baby, wh- what happened? Are you alright?" I sit down next to him but don't know what to do. Do I hug him? Does he want to be touched? Maybe he wants to be left alone. I couldn't possibly leave him alone like this.

"I am fine."

"You're obviously not." He is crying. I don't think I ever saw him crying. "What happened? Why are you bleeding? Please, talk to me."

"I'm not good for you."

What? "Where is this coming from? This is bullshit. Why would y-" Of course. Of course it's her. "Did my mother say something to you? Why am I even asking? Of course she did. Bucky, I don't know what lies she put into your head but don't allow yourself to fall for that. You know how she is."

"She is right." He turns his head to me. His eyes are bloodshot and red and he reeks of alcohol.

"No, she isn't. We talked about this. More than once. You are enough for me. You are more than enough for me. I love you and you love me. She's just trying to ruin things for me." I take my hair tie from my wrist and help him get his hair out of his face. It's grown so much over the last months. "Don't let her get to you." After I tie his hair I give him a kiss on the cheek. Then his neck. "You're perfect to me."

He shakes his head. "No, no, no."

"Bucky, yes." There's something else. Something else is bothering him. "What is going on? I know it's not just my mother?" I look around the room. There are newspaper articles laid across the bed. I take a peek at them and see that they are all about him. Well, about the Winter Soldier more specially.

"I killed them."

It's his trauma. That's what's been bugging him. My mother was just the trigger. She put all those insecurities into his head and he started thinking about everything else again. I could kill her. I will kill her.

"You didn't. That wasn't you. You are not the Winter Soldier."

"I am. I am a killer." His voice is shaky and there are still new tears pooling into his eyes. "You deserve better. You deserve better than me."

"You're... I..." What am I supposed to do? What do I say? I don't know how to make this better for him. "Don't do this to yourself. Look at me. Come on, look at me."

I take his hands between mine. After a few seconds he looks up again. "This is all in your head. My mom made you believe that you're not good enough for me so now you're looking for ways to punish yourself but it's not true. I wouldn't be with you if I didn't think you were the most amazing person on this earth. I know what they made you do. I know your past. But I still chose to be with you. I know your past and I still want to be your future. Because you're worth it. I see it. Sam sees it. Alice sees it. Steve saw it. All those people in your life think you're worth it or else they wouldn't be in your life."

He doesn't react. I lean over to the bedside table and grab a tissue to wrap it around his hand. "Can I treat it?"

He nods his head. I carefully take his hand and pull him after me to the bathroom where I let in some warm water for the bathtub. I make him sit on the toilet and start undressing him. He's still not looking at me but every now and then I give him a little kiss to remind him I am here and love him.
When he's stripped to his boxers, I tell him to get into the tub and he does. I carefully start cleaning his bloody hand.

After grabbing a pair of tweezers, a few band aids, some rubbing alcohol and a towel from the drawer I lean down next to the tub again and try my best to remove the splinters from his hand and treat his wounds. This is awful. I hate seeing him like this. I hate that my mother is the one who caused this.

I wish he could see himself through my eyes. Maybe then he'd realise how beautiful he is.

"Does it hurt?" I whisper. I don't know why.

"No."

"Okay." I continue treating his cuts and then walk to his bedroom to give him some spare clothes. "I will go wash your other clothes. Just stay here as long as you want. Okay?"

"Okay."

I smile and then grab his bloody sweatshirt and the rest of his clothes before heading downstairs where the laundry room is. After I am done I head back upstairs and smile when I see him laying down on his bed. At least he's sleeping on a bed. His eyes open when I enter the bedroom and a little smile appears on his face.

"Mind if I join?"

He doesn't answer. Instead he moves to the side and holds the blanket open. I smile and lay down next to him. Bucky puts the blanket over me and then wraps his arm around my stomach, spooning me.

"I love you." I whisper before my eyes fall close. I didn't realise I was this tired until now. "I will never stop loving you."

Before I doze off to sleep I think I feel him kiss me on my shoulder and whisper, "I am sorry."

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A/N: Double update bc I love you guys and the other chapter is rlly short