Algernon Black

(Chapter 155) All His Hopes

Algernon held Lucy late into the night until she had fallen into a deep sleep in his arms. And he stayed by her still as he rose with the barley rising sun. He sighed, knowing he had to pry himself away before his prying mother woke up. But for now his fingers grazed across her bare cheek, brushing aside stray hairs so they couldn't disturb her rest.

Algernon often contemplated his infatuation with Lucy and thought about it now. Why he was so drawn to her, why he cared so much to protect and be around her. When he observed her so peacefully sleeping and his mind thought of nothing as he wanted for nothing, he knew exactly why he so quickly failed to stay away.

Because no matter how well trained to appear impenetrable, Algernon was always entrapped by his thoughts. He carried the weight and pressures of this world in his mind and beat himself bloody trying to live up to them. It had been a constant form of self-torture for almost all of his life until Lucy had come and given him the first relief he had felt in years, with a smile or laugh or look in her bright eyes that all at once stilled his mind into intoxicating numbness.

After years of being the prisoner and warden of his own mental cage, Algernon had become comfortable in that torment and isolation. So comfortable that the slightest reprieve of either felt like the greatest bliss in the world. And only Lucy gave that to him, as a girl with no secret motives or preconceived notions of who he should be or what he needed to do, he was freed to be just himself instead of the impossible concept he had been killing himself to live up to.

It was a specific kind of happiness, one only someone, as plagued and not in control of their own thoughts, reputation, and demons, as Algernon was, could understand, what euphoria it was to exist in the eyes of another as exactly himself and be loved for it.

Algernon's thumb carried across Lucy's temple feeling the warm signs of life she gave off, as he felt the intense dull ache from the bottom of his heart, the sick pinning, the desire for everything and nothing all at once, once recalling he was going to be separated from her.

But at least this pain had meaning as before it  never had. It was just the side effect of being alive, but now Algernon understood it was a barrier to overcome on his way to happiness.

He wondered how fucked up the gods had to be to give him this revelation just to take her away.

Still, he smiled as he looked down at Lucy, knowing even if he could, he'd never trade away his lifetime of pain because without it he would never have come to know this moment, to find the true pleasure that existed in this fleeting bliss.

And as long as Algernon had these moments, he had his resolve to go forward. With so many things left unsaid and done by their short time together, he had the motivation he needed in this coming war. He was going to be surrounded by death and violence, and pain and suffering until it ended. But he was ready to bear it all, so long as she didn't have to. Which is why he needed her far away until then, so she wasn't any more of a casualty to the suffering that surrounded him. But he would find her again, he'd have to fight devils, gods, and men to do so, but he'd find her.

Algernon drew a necklace out of his coat pocket and rubbed the coin-size gold pendant between his fingers. He gathered Lucy's hair aside so only her neck was exposed and locked it around her throat where it fell in the space between her collarbones. Lucy stayed sound asleep, completely undisturbed by the lightweight of the necklace. The pendant depicted a dove carrying a holly branch engraved into the family heirloom, a charm that was supposed to help contain the anxiety of anyone in the Black family who suffered from the same disease Algernon did. It worked somewhat to help calm his thoughts, but he knew it would be useless until Lucy was back with him. She now carried with her all his peace and would for the rest of his life. He kissed her forehead, thanking her for it, before getting out of bed.

Algernon dressed and walked over to the window. By the set of the sun, he figured he had only a short while before his mother woke up. But the growing light highlighted all the views of the estate's yard, including the silhouette of a tall man contrasting darkly against the fresh white snow.

Algernon stilled, before his eyes darted back to Lucy still sleeping, and then back to an all to familiar twisted grin.

Algernon hurried so fast outside he didn't even remember to grab a coat on his way into winter's freezing morning.