34: it's not goodbye just yet

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HAN JISUNG.

I'm not ready for today.

I don't think I quite expected to feel so emotional when thinking of this day in the past, but now that it's here and we're shooting the final episode... I really don't think I'm ready for everything to end.

All of the friends I've made through the main cast, extras, stylists, editors; hell, even Jinki might be considered as a close friend in my books by now.

Chan seems to realize that I'm too lost in thought for our normal banter this morning, instead opting to rest his hand on my arm as he drives in silence. It's the comfortable type of silence, where neither of you feel the need to fill the void with sound.

"Make the most of today, yeah?"

He finally speaks as we pull up outside the all too familiar company building that's begun to feel like my second home.

"I'll try." My voice comes out as barely more than a whisper, and I feel myself choking up slightly at the thought of saying goodbye to the people who have become my family.

I know realistically that Felix and Changbin would never let our contact die down. Though they both go to different schools, we'd catch up as much as possible. I mean, Felix still facetimes me every evening he can manage, so I don't think that's going to stop any time soon.

I follow Jinyoung and Yonghee on Instagram, so if I stalk their page every once in a while I'll be able to check up on how they're getting by.

I'm much too scared to start a conversation with them once I don't have to see them, but I hope one day we'll be able to meet up again. maybe I'll have the courage then to tell Yonghee that he's an amazing stylist, and let my own stylist know that I appreciate his efforts to prevent my skin from breaking out.

And I'll still have to meet with Minho for interviews.

Minho.

What on earth is going to happen to us once everything is over? Not that there's really an 'us' to ponder over, but I just feel quite strangely about the possibility of never seeing him again after the interviews and promotions stop.

One day, the paparazzi and the fanbases will forget all about their ships and we'll return to our quiet little lives. We'll probably get other roles too, with new 'partners'.

Now that I think about it in detail, I don't know if I can really see myself being paired with anyone else. Could I really obtain the same level of chemistry with someone else, as I can with Lee Minho?

But this is silly to be worrying over anyways. I bet Minho doesn't really care about it, and he's definitely not agonizing over every detail the way I am.

I wonder if he'll still call me once he doesn't have to.

After we haven't seen each other for a while, will he still remember me? Or will I fade into the background, until I'm nothing but a cardboard tree cut-out in the screenplay of his life?

"Did you seriously just bring out the tree metaphor? Goodness, I knew you were melodramatic but I never thought you could be that exaggeratedly emotional!"

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