Tommyinnit Oneshots

Letter (short)

A/N - this is a mini I did for an English in-class writing prompt. I've been working on a new Witch AU chapter and it's currently 6600 words and I'm not even halfway done, but I think I'll be able to finish it in the next few days. 

TW: vaguely referenced suicide, generally very sad

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Dear Tubbo,

I am telling you this story because you are the only person who will not judge me. I know we haven't spoken in a few years, but I hope you'll hear me out anyway and take my words to heart.

I never had a friend like you. Growing up I was content, but alone, without siblings, cousins, or schoolmates. I spent my time on the computer and put on a loud, boisterous persona. At the time, I didn't realize it was all to cover up the chronic loneliness I felt. After meeting you, however, I truly didn't feel lonely for the first time in my life. You took me in as your best friend despite my attitude, my rough edges, my flaws. I know I have them, you don't have to object.

So this letter is me thanking you. I was never good at saying thank you or at showing you how much I appreciated your company and your friendship, but I have a feeling you knew anyway. Even so, now I'm saying thank you. You saved me from a dark room with curtains drawn, from headphones and a microphone on with no one to talk to, from playing video games alone night after night.

There is a second purpose to this letter, and it is an apology. After everything you did for me, I'm still not strong enough, and it's my biggest regret. You took that deep ache in my heart away for a period of time, and it was the best of my life. Please know that. Know that I appreciate every moment of time spent with you, every fight, every inside joke, every game, every conversation. The memories, however, aren't enough to keep me afloat, and I'm being dragged down into the ocean you pulled me out of.

It's not your fault. I'll say it again because you don't always listen to me, but none of it is your fault. It's mine. I just wasn't made for this world. I'm a contradiction; I crave affection and attention more than anyone I've ever known, yet don't seek or accept it when it's finally in my reach, and I let it slip through my fingers over and over again.

The last thing I ever want to do is lay this guilt on your shoulders (another thing to apologize for) but like I said in the beginning; you're the only one who will not judge me for this. Even if we haven't talked for a long time, I'm positive you still know me inside out, and you know that this was inevitable.

I can't exist like this any longer. I've thought about it and realized I've lived the height of my life. I peaked and was able to soar among the clouds, but crashing back to earth was an experience I was never going to survive.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to live. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to do it on my own.

Love,

Tommy