TW: mentioned suicide attempt!!! Very suicidal thoughts!!! Self depreciation!!!
I decided that when I started school I was going to be that one happy go lucky golden retriever kid who will do just about anything for my friends... but in the past few weeks of school I've let some stuff out that I shouldn't have...
like at one point I was getting frustrated because of math and I ended up cussing under my breath some pretty violent shit. My friend F was quite clearly scared.
I don't usually act like that.
I broke character... this has happened a few times and I always realize that I fucked up a little too late.
I've also accidentally said some depressing shit. Like how I accidentally told my friends about my attempt... it just slipped out ya know?
I could tell by the looks on their faces that they were disturbed.
I wanted to be that happy go lucky kid because I've scared away so many people in the past with my anger issues and depression.
I was mean, sad, and I took it out on everyone around me... I thought that if I hid it, then maybe I could make some people stay... but I fucked that up too...
I can go back to pretending, but they've been catching on when somethings up more and more recently...
It's like now that they know that something's up there on high alert about those things at all times.
I can't exactly talk about it though... it's not they're problem... I'm just a chronic oversharer who can't keep their mouth shut, and makes people feel obligated to listen out of pity...
I'm a peice of shit...
God I wish that it had worked...
YOU ARE READING
Dear Diary
Non-Fictionliterally just a diary that I'm posting. My life is boring so yeah... If you know me in real life... and you read this, I do not take responsibility for any hurt feelings. I will not use real names. this is literally going to be my diary so no ru...
