Darkness: The Life Beyond

Chapter. 24

My grandma always said she loved astronomy, looking at the beauty of the stars. I love the stars as well. I find it enthralling how they shined so bright and somewhat funny now that they shine even brighter now that she joined them; it's sad really, but it's nothing I have any control over. I thought to myself as I was looking out the car window in the night sky at the stars which burn so bright you can see them light-years away.

"What are you thinking about?" Amelia asked me as she had seen me staring out the window and she knows I only do this when I'm deep in thought.

"Oh nothing," I replied as I turned back around to continue my thought-provoking eternal blog.

I then thought to myself as I watched all the trees and lights from the buildings and houses that were passing by, how no matter who you meet in this world, family or friends alike, nothing is permanent, nobody is promised to live another day. Nothing in the world ever lasts, you meet a new friend, you form a bond, memories, but somewhere between then and now, here and there, you don't grow apart, you grow up. Drifting away from the friend you promised to never leave. You begin to make less and less time for them, replies become from hours apart to days to months then eventually never; it's inevitable for anything to last.

Like there's a nonphysical hourglass over everyone's head for the time you have, rather that'd be relationships with your significant other, family, friends, or even your time here on earth. Perhaps that's what happens when people die, the hourglass finally runs out of sand; but instead, my grandma didn't wait for her hourglass to run out of sand, it shattered, bleeding in the process as she fights off the damage to her blood vessels in vital parts of her body. Until she can't fight any longer and dies. That's what cancer does to you, it's a sad concept, and ultimately, something you can't defeat.

Just like Ava, she was my best friend, and we formed memories and happy times together, but just like every friend you meet throughout your life, the memories you share becomes just that; memories and so does your best friend; Philip was right in the end and maybe I was too incompetent to see his viewpoint on his wisdom he tried sharing with me just then.

I then rested my arm on the top of the door right where you'd roll the window down and laid my head there as I watched the beautiful snow on the ground and the starry night sky with the star's faint glow and the constellations.

Maybe, forever is a word you use for memories, not for people. You say you'll stay with your lover forever and that you'll never leave them, but it's an unspoken lie, not intentional as everyone has their reasons, but the memories you shared through your time together is the only thing that you promised would last forever.

And I'll be honest with myself, there's no such thing as a right person wrong time because if there is, you'd make everything right for them, including the time right for them as well. Perhaps that's why I'm so lonely, I've lived eighteen years and never once felt love. I had girlfriends and maybe that's why they didn't last, but I'm happier alone in a sense that I'm not technically happy, filled with joy and a big bright smile on my face.

Instead, I'm happy in a way that I'm happier alone. People call it loneliness but I call it peace of mind and freedom from all the stress that comes with relationships. You make the wrong decision then suddenly you're in an argument that jeopardizes the entire relationship, or they're simply uninterested in you and they don't know how to break the news to you so they stay longer, doing more harm than good. But in all actuality, loneliness is how you start, it's also how you'll end, sitting on the edge which you began, alone once more.

With all this comes the epiphany that sadness is never the villain, but rather the hero, you grow up loving the heroes but once you get older you realize that the villains are the true heroes of the story. In my books, if I wrote them, everyone I valued dearly to me who left would be the protagonist of my story, the heroes in which the main characters are viewed as everything I saw in them, all their perfect imperfections cherished.