Darkness: The Life Beyond

Chapter. 11

After Philip took me home after our discussion and waffles, he took me home, and when I got home my parents weren't happy as I told them I wasn't going out. I'll be completely honest, that was probably my fault.

My mom is so pissed she decided she'll cut my hair because I never liked getting haircuts. I always ask her to grow it out and when she cuts it she knows she'll get a reaction.

So I'm begging and pleading with her telling her not to cut it as I also got this obsession with compulsively touching my hair and when I can't do that it freaks me out.

After hours of telling her not to, I gave up empty of emotions as she began to cut and tell me it'll look good but I digress. After she finished I was so upset I told her it looked okay and left to go to my room.

My siblings know that I hated getting my haircut and probably knew what I was thinking as they wouldn't leave my room for hours and I kept telling them I was fine knowing that was a lie.

At around 1 am when they finally left to head to bed and roughly thirty minutes after staring at my roof I began to cry having so many emotions flowing through my head.

Anger, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, compulsive thoughts, and so many emotions that I wanted them to go away I couldn't do it. I was pouring tears and had no way of getting the thoughts away. I wanted to feel anything else except what I'm feeling right now.

As I turned to look at my dresser I saw a tac on there and I began walking over there off my bed and sat down on my chair next to it.

I grabbed the tac and began poking holes in my skin and cutting it, what I felt before slowly started to fade as those thoughts started becoming a pain.

About one hour later at about three o'clock am when I went to sleep after continuing to cry, I closed my eyes as a final tear rolled down my cheek as I realized that it was a regrettable mistake.

The next morning my siblings felt bad and they decided to take me out to make up for what my mom did.

I put on a hoodie to cover up but I felt as if that was too obvious since it was 75 degrees outside and they'll persist if I take it off. But I kept at it anyway.

Before we left out the door my stepdad stopped us and told me to take off my hoodie as it was burning hot outside.

He reached out to me as he tried to help me get it off.

"NO!!!" I said as a reflex because I didn't know what to do.

Everyone began staring at me with questionable looks in their eyes for around three minutes.

While they were looking at me I was playing with the string on my hoodie as I had a low top fade and no longer the long hair I had before to touch whenever I'm feeling anxious.

"Can we just leave now?" I asked with a cracking and weak voice.

I and my siblings left out and got in the car to have the day to ourselves.