Music is a part of life, a part of who we are. You can go anywhere in the world and music will follow you. You can't escape it. Whenever you hear a song, it makes you wonder, is this song meant for me? Is this the song that represents who I am, shar...
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"Great work today, Rory. Keep this up and you'll be ready in no time."
Rory, the twelve year old I'm tutoring, beams happily at me. His older sister is getting married in a couple of months and he wants to surprise her by playing her favourite song on the guitar at the reception. His parents were more than happy to help him get lessons when he told them.
"Bye Mr Jason!" Rory says as he walks down my driveway to his parents car. I waved at him as the car leaves, sliding back into the house. I love helping people with their music. It's amazing to see how people who genuinely want to learn improve so quickly.
I didn't want to be like some of the tutors I had had when learning. The ones who charged you extortionate amount per hour only to teach you the same chord for the next month. I actually wanted people to improve, not rip them off.
I had just closed the door when my phone rang. My first mistake was answering.
"Hello?"
"Jason, son. Is that you?"
I froze. This couldn't be possible. How did he get my number? I didn't tell him that's for sure.
"Son, are you there?"
He never called me son before he was arrested. Never used my name either. I was just an inconvenience to him.
"What do you want?"
That was my second mistake. I should have hung up as soon as I heard his voice. I still don't know why I didn't.
"How are you? It's been a while."
"What do you want?" I repeat, my voice shaking slightly.
Third mistake. Showing emotion.
"I can't call to see how my son's doing?"
"You lost that privilege years ago. Answer the question."
"OK, OK. I just wanted to let you know that I'm being released early for good behaviour. I should be home within the next couple of weeks."
My blood runs cold. I felt my head spin and my breathing quicken. This couldn't be happening! He had at least a year to go, if not longer. I was never supposed to see him again.
"Isn't this great, son? We'll be together again soon."
I was scared. This could ruin me.
"I have to go," I left out quickly before hanging up.
The minutes passed as I just stood there in the entryway. Five minutes. Then ten. Then twenty. I didn't move. Shock and fear had paralysed me.
I was supposed to have another year. By that time I would have left for university, well away from my dad who I would never have to see again.
I wouldn't have to go back to him, right?
It was something I hadn't needed to think about because it didn't seem like a possibility. But now? Now, I had no idea what was going to happen. All I knew was that I couldn't be near that man again. Ever.
I didn't want to think about what would happen if I was.
***
It was 01:30 in the morning and I still couldn't sleep. My mind was racing. I needed to do something, anything, to get my mind off the call.
Running. Running will help.
It didn't take long for me to put on my workout gear. I was out of the house and standing outside the centre in no time. Thank God it was open twenty-four hours. The automatic doors slide open and I slip inside, grateful for the blast of warmth that hit me.
"Jason?"
My head snaps up at the mention of my name. There, at the reception desk, sits Jessica, a look of surprise covering her face. "Hey, Jessica. What are you doing here?"
"I work here," she says, giving me a look that says "really?".
"Right, of course," I laugh, taking in her uniform and the fact that she's sitting behind the reception desk. "Why are you working at two in the morning? What about school?"
"I'm actually just finishing," she answers, checking the time on her phone. "I can't sleep so I work a couple of night shifts a week."
Now the sleeping during lunch made sense.
"What has you coming to the gym at two in the morning? From you're surprised at seeing me here it can't be to see me," she jokes, giving me a small smile.
" Yeah, sorry about that." I wince slightly at my previous words. "I was just going to run for a bit. I've heard it can help when you can't sleep."
Her mouth parts in an "O", I look up understanding washing over her face. "Give me a couple of minutes to swap shifts and grab my stuff and I'll meet you in the room at the end of the hall."
"OK..." I drag out, shocked at what was happening. "Wait, don't I have to pay first?"
I go to grab my card but she quickly cuts me off. "Don't worry, I've got you covered. I'll see you in a minute."
Before I could protest, she disappeared into the backroom. Deciding it's better just to go with it and pay her back later, I walked down the hall and into the small room she'd indicated. There wasn't much to it, just a bunch of mats, weights and boxing equipment. And no running machines. What was her plan here?
I dump my stuff on the bench next to the door, sitting with it whilst I waited. I had a feeling Jessica had more experience with my situation and knew what she was doing.
"Hey, sorry I kept you waiting. My boss was taking ages to make his coffee and made me sit at the front desk until he was done, "just in case"," she rants, using her fingers as quotation marks for the last part. "Anyway, I'm going to tell you what I do whenever I can't sleep and then you're going to do it, OK?" she explains with an unusual amount of perkiness for someone who just finished work at two AM.
"You do this often then?" I ask, genuinely curious.
"Sadly, yes." Now, back to you. I want you to put these on," she says as she hands me a pair of gloves she grabbed from the shelf.
"What for?" I ask nervously, my heart speeding up slightly.
"Because I want you to hit this bag until you feel better about whatever is bothering you," she explains as she pats the bag at the centre of the room.
"I, uh, don't think I can," I states nervously, shakily putting the gloves down.
"Why not?" she asks worriedly.
"Well, I, uh..." I was beginning to clam up, the beginnings of a panic attack approaching.
"Hey, hey, hey. It's OK. Just take a deep breath and let it all out," she guides, grabbing my hands with her small, for ones.
"It's just really hard for me to say."
Lots of memories were coming back. None of them ended well for me. I knew these situations were different but just the thought of violence had me on edge. Even if I would be the one in control. For once.
"It's one of the reasons my dad is in jail," I confess, and she instantly freezes, her eyes widening in shock. Not many people knew about my current situation. Jessica was one of them.
