Gold, love and mint tea (Yuzuru Hanyu )

59 - Grief and sorrow

I cast a glance around the restaurant I'm sitting in, noting that most people present are either high rank officials or athletes celebrating victories and personal success, unlike me. I ask myself why I even agreed to this dinner when I distinctly know that even looking at food right now is nauseating, my misery and guilt threatening to reject anything I eat after the encounter I had earlier. I settle on popping a piece of ginger into my mouth, tilting my head to the side, not taking my eyes off my brother before speaking "So what's the occasion?"

"What do you mean?" Nick furrows his brows, shrugging as he chews his piece of sushi "Can't I just take my sister out for dinner?"

"Well you could, but it's not something that happens all the time and I don't need your pit-"

"I know, I know. I don't pity you, but let me remind you that just like your friend Javi I was narrowly missed the podium in Sochi so I know how you feel... A lot of us do, if you would just let us be there for you!" he exclaims, pointing his chopsticks at me with a playful expression, probably trying to keep the mood light.

"No offense but I don't think that you do, none of you were supposed to win gold... None of you practically had it in your pockets and lost it. But still, what's the occasion?" I reiterate my question, quirking a brow at him suspiciously.

"Come on D', I just wanted to spend some time with you..." he sighs, looking defeated and pushing sushi around his plate, seemingly considering what he should say "And I know I haven't been the best big brother these last few months. I rarely check up on you and I hate that we barely see each other anymore."

I press my lips together in a thin line, debating wether or not this conversation had the potential of being upsetting before settling on what I thought would be a neutral response "Well I'm a big girl now Nicklaus, I can take care of myself so you don't have to babysit me."

"Wow, when you start saying my full name it means I should be scared." he lets out a humorless chuckle, looking up at me hopefully "I'm just worried about you."

"I'm just not in the mood to go out, plus if anyone sees me they'll just instantly bombard me with questions I do not want to answer. I barely got away from the last interview without putting my foot in my mouth..."

"Don't worry, I promise I'll personally chase away anyone who dares to bother you!" Nick quickly interjects, lifting his hands up in mock surrender "I know you can take care of yourself, you've always been independent but it doesn't mean you should have to. I really miss our Sunday rituals and I definitely don't think of it as babysitting you."

"We haven't done any of that in months, not since I told you about the whole Chris and-"

"I know, I'm sorry..." he runs a hand through his hair, taking a sip of wine as I stare longingly at his glass. What I would give for even an ounce of the calmness and stress relief that a gin and tonic offers right now but it's probably not the best idea to sport a hangover tomorrow. I guess that tonight, the ice should go on my ankle instead of in my glass. If Nick noticed how distressed and worried I must look he didn't comment on it, knowing that it wouldn't help and instead chooses to continue with the current conversation topic "I was just taking some time to myself..."

"Please don't apologize Nick, it's fine." I look down, observing my plate, filled to the brim with fresh sushi that didn't even look appetizing to me at that moment.

"It's not, but I promise I'll be better okay?"

"Fine... So what did you want to talk to me about?" I ask curiously, wondering what could be so important that he couldn't just tell me.

"It's nothing really... Just wantedtoletyouknowthatgranpaishereandhewill-"

"What?!"

"Grandpa's here... He didn't want to distract you before but now that the competition's over he wants to talk to you..." Nick admits, carefully gaging my reaction.