Stardust & Smiles ✅

Chapter 22: Last Night

"He is exactly the poem I wanted to write."

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I've never felt so free. 
   
Months of self-focus and care, therapy for the first time, reconnecting with friends I was putting off seeing, getting some cathartic writing and journaling done has all paid off. 
   
I've never felt better about a decision.
   
The best part is, we left each other with so much peace and understanding that I wasn't even pining after him or overthinking him. 
   
Hell, I don't think he's crossed into my mind once in a almost a month.  It's oddly freeing, considering he was all I used to want to spend my time thinking about.  My therapist Bella says that he was a metaphor.  I'm supposed to figure out what I created him to be. 
   
Anyway, apart from all that, I made time to see a few friends.
   
Daphne and I had an amazing dinner a few weeks ago at the restaurant.  We had long conversations over Eros's orgasmic food.
   
I still haven't told anyone about everything that happened that night at the football field, or at the wedding, for that matter.  Except Bella.  It wouldn't be right to tell anyone else until I've told Elaine first. 
   
I've decided (partly by myself and helped along by my therapy sessions) that I will tell Elaine.  I'm not going to now, though, I need to get myself right first.  It's weird putting Elaine in the backseat and myself in the front for once, and the guilt was a little overwhelming at first, but it feels kind of good to care about me for once. 
   
One thing I haven't told anybody is that Liam calls me every night without fail.  It'll be at 6:30 on the dot, when I'm finishing up dinner and making some tea in anticipation of the phone ringing.  Liam and I talk for about half an hour every night while I drink my tea and sit by the fireplace. 
   
It's not romantic.  He checks up on me to see how I'm doing and we talk as friends about anything.  We don't whisper to each other or talk about how much we love each other or how we can't wait to be together.  I don't even know that I want that, because I love how normal our conversations can finally be.  I've exhaled and he's exhaled and the air we're breathing between us is fresh and pure and calm. 
   
I've had to ditch dinner plans with friends a few nights, or move it to lunch instead because I don't know what would happen if I missed a call.  I don't want to miss a call.  I just don't want anything to disrupt my perfect bubble of calm perfection and balance that is surrounding my life right now. 

Everything is as it should be. 

Everything in its place.

It's been four months now and our weekend trip to Big Bear is getting closer and closer by the minute.  I'm excited and not at all nervous or apprehensive. 

And, hey, maybe instead of calls we can sit on the balcony and talk in person instead. 

I've been working on separating the romantic aspects of Liam from the friendship we have.  It's a therapy exercise that's supposed to help me figure out the metaphor.  So far all I've got is something to do with safety.  It's not looking like a very promising lead, but Bella is adamant that I will figure it out when I'm ready. 

So now it's Monday morning and I've got errands to run in preparation for the trip.  I've made an Excel sheet, as the chief trip planner and most organized one out of all of us and have evenly distributed preparation tasks among the four of us, being sure to account for all of Archer's future mistakes.  Exhibit A:  I've bought a fire-starting kit for the fire pit because I know he's probably going to want to try and rub some sticks together "like a man" instead of buying the kit like I tell him to.

I slip on some sweats and a cozy sweater, throw my hair up into my typical messy bun and adjust my glasses on the bridge of my nose.  They're chunky frames that I've been starting to wear more lately.  I swear I'm getting blinder by the minute, but for now they're just reading glasses that I wear to the store so I can read the labels.