"Suddenly she realized what she was regretting was not the lost past but the lost future, not what had not been but what would never be." -F. Scott Fitzgerald
Sorry for the long wait everyone! It's been a very crazy month, but I've missed Lily and Liam and am happy to be back! Enjoy!
~The wedding~
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When I finally pull away from Liam I get a head rush as I look around, the night still spinning around to the long-finished music. The spell is broken now and the wedding is clearly over. I can't seem to meet Liam's eyes because I'm afraid of what I'll see this time.
How did this happen? How did I let this happen?
I'm starting to shake as I inhale and Liam reaches out to steady me.
"Are you okay?" He asks, sympathy clear in his voice.
"You just...we just...oh god." The reality of the situation is starting to hit me and I'm coming crashing down from the bubble of no cares that was the realm our forbidden kiss existed in. The only realm it ever could exist in. Until tonight.
Liam winces and I still haven't met his eyes. I'm busy scanning the room, praying Weston and Leilani are long gone and didn't see anything. I see Leilani emerging from the bathroom on the left side of the dance floor and I exhale a sigh of relief when I don't see Weston anywhere in sight.
"Leilani!" I yell, breaking away from Liam and walking quickly over to where she's gathering her things from a table near the bathroom. She looks up and smiles.
"Hey. I think we're actually going to head out now." She smiles warmly again.
"Um, where's Weston?" I gulp, hoping he didn't see while we weren't paying attention.
"He's been in the car for the past half hour, had an important call from work or something." She shrugs. "Listen, it's been great seeing you! Let's plan lunch or something. Bring Elaine!" She gives me a quick hug and waves. I exhale and collapse into a chair. Nobody saw.
Nobody saw.
I feel a presence at my shoulder and turn around, only to meet Liam's beautiful, liquid chocolate eyes. I can't read them, don't want to know if they're full of regret or disappointment or confusion.
"Um-"
"Let's just go home, okay?" I ask quietly, cutting him off. I don't look at him long enough to see the hurt I know must be there. He just nods and grabs his keys and jacket.
The walk down the path is full of heavy silence, a towel soaked in water, waiting for somebody to wring it. Liam stops halfway to the car.
"Lily."
"What?" I ask tentatively.
"We need to talk." I sigh.
"No, we can't talk Liam, we just can't, okay? I don't want to know what you have to say, I can't know. I'm sorry I let that happen, but it did and now we forget about it. We'll just call it a drunken mistake, okay?" He's staring intently at the treeline, his coffee skin bathed in the white glow of the moon above.
"Why?" he whispers.
"Why what?" I ask softly.
"Why can't you know what I have to say?" The thin scar on my heart splits open at his open question. A thousand words hang in the air between us.
"Because whatever you say would only make the situation worse. Either way." He nods, picking at his sleeve.
"And what if it doesn't?" My breath curls out into the night and my heart aches for a world where it wouldn't.
"I'm sorry." I say, my eyes glistening. Liam hangs his head to look at the floor and I wipe away a tear, knowing if it made it down my face, thousands of others would follow.
The drive to my house is quiet, Liam focusing on the lights of the road and me lost in my thoughts. When we finally pull up to my house he stops the car in the street and turns to me. I don't move.
"You said before that you were sorry." I nod. Liam looks up and straight into my eyes. "Well I'm not. And you can choose to drown it out if that's what you want, but I won't."
"Liam-"
"You can't make me forget, okay? I won't bring it up again." I almost lose it right there, I almost collapse into his arms or bend towards his soft lips.
But I don't.
Rain is starting to fall softly on the metal of his car. I get out and start walking to my house. When I turn around, Liam is behind me. Rain is starting to soak our clothes and his curly hair is falling into his eyes. I can feel mascara streaking down my cheeks and I know the dress is probably ruined but I can't make myself move.
And then I drop my keys. Neither of us makes a move to pick them up.
I've never seen Liam so sad. Like the rain soaked up his sunshine smile, the smile that lives inside my mind on all my rainy days.
I take a step closer. He doesn't move.
"What are we doing?" I ask and I can't tell if it's tears or rain falling down my cheeks.
And then he steps forward and kisses me again, pouring what's left of his sunshine into my salty lips. I grab his hips and then gently pull him away.
I've never seen him this way before, so empty, so needy, so sad and earnest. I bite my lip, grab my keys and turn around, walking inside without looking back. The butterflies are all dead, drowned in a tsunami of rain and all that's left is my swollen heart, waterlogged and bleeding. I collapse against the back of the door and stare at the wall for a good twenty minutes before finally finding an answer to my question.
"Dreaming." I whisper to Liam's ghost.
"Pretending." It whispers back to me.
I close my eyes, knowing I'll never dance again the way I did with him.
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Song: Ghost of You by 5 Seconds of Summer
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Stardust & Smiles ✅
العاطفية♥️"If this isn't love then I don't think I'll ever fall."♥️ Lily is a young adult with a few disastrous secrets. First, her dark past and the accompanying anxiety formed from the trauma of her past relationship she can't seem to forget, no matter h...
