Stardust & Smiles ✅

Chapter 11: Dying Flowers

"It's been 16 years and she still talks about you like you put the stars in the sky. You really mean something to her. You ruined her."

~The wedding~

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I finally pull away from Liam's lips after a few minutes and exhale loudly.

My stomach is surprisingly calm despite the enormous mistake I just made.
But it's weird, because I thought a mistake was defined as an act that's misguided or wrong.

But there's nothing that feels wrong about kissing Liam.

The butterflies have all fled, disappearing in a puff of fireworks when our lips finally met. It's like Liam's lips were the nectar they had been starved of for so long, and all they needed to fly away was this one moment.

But it was more than that, it was like that feeling you get when you're on an airplane, flying miles above the clouds, the puffs tinged with pink.

It's the feeling of hearing your favorite nostalgic song on a road trip while you're looking out the window at all the beautiful scenery.

It's feeling that burst in your chest of pride and happiness when it seems that nothing can go wrong, because this is the beauty of life.

As if mine and Liam's kiss is right up there with Earth's majestic, snow-topped mountains and clear, tumbling rivers.

It's nature.

The human kind.

Now that I've pulled away I can't seem to stop staring into his shining eyes, despite the rising sunsets on my cheeks and the blur of people around us.

I refuse to let my mind ruin this moment for me with all its constant worry and panic.

For the first time, I can actually shut off the stream of constant worrying thoughts that always shoved their way into my mind without warning. But in this moment, my dam holds up. I'll deal with all the consequences later, but right now I can't imagine how it won't be worth it.

Liam's smile is the widest I've ever seen it, and I immediately remember why his smile has always been his favorite feature of mine. When we were kids, he never stopped smiling, always enjoying and embracing life to the absolute fullest, always finding that silver lining that I had such a hard time seeing. As we grew up, the smile slowly sagged little by little, unnoticeable to anyone except someone who had spent most of their time studying his face. At the very least, it stayed in small amounts, even when hearing the worst news.

But now, his smile cracks the sky wide open, stardust and sunsets spilling out the rift, spilling together in a tornado of galaxy and sky, swirling around us like we've left Earth and soared to an entirely different plane of existence.

And even though we can't stay here forever, in this world, a world where Liam and I fit, can be together, all the pain, all the mistakes are all worth it. Every time I felt another crack split through my heart, every time I ever felt unwanted or like a failure, every time I was lost or rejected or abandoned, it was all worth it just to lead me here.

It's so powerful that I'm even thankful for the pain and mistakes, because all the losses have built up this one powerful, unexplainable, otherworldly gain.

My lungs are burning, as if these few minutes I've stopped kissing Liam is drowning them in his absence.

You don't know what you've got until it's gone, but I didn't know what I could have until I finally permitted myself to have it. But now I've tasted heaven, and I'm ruined.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to breathe again without him.

So, fuck it, I go right back to kissing him.

It's not like he's complaining, and I let myself collapse back into everything I've ever wanted.

All my dead flowers have grown back ten times more radiant.
All my bled out colors have bloomed back into vibrant rays.
The cracks in my heart are slowly welding back together.

And there's one thought running through my head amidst the surge of emotions:

"It's good to be home."

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Song: One by Lewis Capaldi

🥀🏠