Stardust & Smiles ✅

Chapter 10: Where It All Went Wrong

"When a person tells you you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't."

⚠️TW: Sexual Assault⚠️

~One year before, age 21~
——————————————————————————————————————————

I was never the kind of girl to go out to night clubs, dancing until 3am, getting drunk and making dumb decisions.  But somehow, life took a turn I didn't see coming and that was my lifestyle for most of my early twenties.  I'm not gonna lie, it was fun.  But ultimately, it was only a distraction.

After the breakup, I couldn't contain myself anymore.  The need for him was too much, and I thought I would die if I couldn't at least tell him how I felt. 

Elaine and Archer's wrath be damned.  Greyson's pain be damned. 

I walked all the way to his house.  I wasn't about to drive this late, or even at all. 
Liam moved out from his parent's house when he was only nineteen.  He had been working so hard the past three summers and had saved up enough money for a good-sized apartment downtown. 

When I reached the apartment, I turned around. 

Because there's something I didn't tell you. 

Even if I didn't know about Liam and Leilani, I knew. 

And maybe that doesn't make sense, but my heart could sense it.  My brain just blocked it from me, to stop the pain.  Now that I know, it all makes sense. 

I turned around when I saw the unfamiliar car parked downstairs, in his guest parking spot.  I knew it was Leilani's car.  She'd picked me up on a few occasions when we had beach days or pool parties. 

I could have gone upstairs all the same.  At the time they were only friends.  Or so I thought. 

But something, some invisible fishing rod, hooked into my shirt and dragged me back the twenty minute walk home. 

That night, I decided, with the same resolution that screamed the opposite, that I could never, would never tell Liam. 

I loved him, and I knew I always would. 

But one thing I learned is that habits, including feelings, are forever encoded in our DNA.  You can't break a habit, but you can teach yourself to change it. 

So I figured I would teach myself, force myself to move on.  To try and love someone else. 

Somehow, that turned into me calling Elaine and Weston and heading out to my very first night club at 1:28 am. 

When we arrived, the music was too loud, the lights too bright, the dresses too short.  It was exactly what I needed.  I downed a few drinks and dragged my friend onto the dance floor.  We screamed out songs, swung ourselves around and around until the world was spinning around me instead of me it. 

When I finally stumbled off the dance floor, panting, I dragged myself over to the bar.  I had somehow lost Elaine and Weston in the fog of twisting bodies and pulsing lights. 

The bartender was sexy, thick upper arms, slicked back, gleaming black hair and a devilish glint in his eye.  I grabbed a stray shot from someone else's abandoned seat, downed it and promptly jumped over the bar.  The bartender swung around, alarmed, but quickly stopped when he saw me. 

"Well, well."  He smirked, his eyes eating me hungrily as he stared at my body, scantily clad in a teasing, stringy dress that barely covered my ass.  I have no idea why I owned it.