The Way Back (Champions of the Crystal Book 4)

Chapter 10.4

"I...I don't want to go back by myself," Sabrina said, feeling her hands begin to shake again. "Mara, please, I—I can't."

Mara kissed her cheek. "You will not be by yourself. Niavar will be with you, and soon you will be surrounded by your friends and family. And I will not be long. I promise to see that you are informed of any news from Tirqwin as soon as I receive it. Sabrina, come now, my dear. You do not want to spend the next few weeks aboard a ship, do you, with nothing to do? Go home. Your apartments need redecorating; you will have many visits to make and receive. It's best for you to keep occupied. And," she added with a smile, "keeping my son in line ought to absorb even your considerable energies." She turned to Ford and kissed his cheek. "Take good care of your cousin for me. Don't let Aunt Imari lecture her, and do not let Rassir draft her into any political chores. And don't let your brothers and sisters plague her."

"Yes, Mother," Ford said, with a rueful smile. "Safe journey to you. And to you, Aurora."

"To you as well," Aurora said, "until we meet again. Lady Sabrina, my mother is waiting most anxiously for you. I hope you will allow her to assist you in anything you may need."

"Thank you," Sabrina said. "Mara...."

"It won't be long, Sabrina."

"That's what you said the last time!" Sabrina complained as Ford guided her out the door.

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Sabrina nursed her feeling of injustice all through their departure, as Ford made some minor repairs to the Adventure, plotted a course that would keep the planet between them and Shahina as he opened a Way, and executed their escape. Then he set to work on Rudolf, who was a mess. Sabrina didn't have the expertise to help him with that, though he did allow her to stand watch on the control deck while he was in his workroom with the android. At other times, he kept her busy with conversation, either coaxing stories of her life with his parents out of her, or telling her outrageous tales of his own youth. It was relaxing in a way, being in this limbo with nothing to do but let herself be taken care of and amused, but she could not forget that Praxatillus was awaiting her, and Tassan. What would she say to him? How to even begin apologizing?

This anxiety, combined with worry for Scotty, and for what Tirqwin and Mara might do behind her back, expressed itself in vicious nightmares, equal to what had plagued her after Rayland's death. She couldn't sleep at night and found excuses to stay on the control deck drinking Praxatillian cocoa, pretending to review history or language texts to prepare for her return, or to wander into Ford's workroom and curl up in a comfortable chair in the corner while he worked. Sometimes she napped there; his presence seemed to help ward off the bad dreams.

One night, she dozed off in the workroom chair and woke the next morning tucked securely into her own bed. Blinking and rubbing at her eyes, she sat up to find Ford leaning against the wall, arms folded, as he watched her. "What?" she said, frowning. "I don't remember—"

"Going to bed? You didn't. I put you here." He pushed away from the wall and took the few steps to her bedside. "This won't do, Sabrina. You pretend to be all right, but you're not. And it's not just Scotty either, is it? There's something on Praxatillus you don't want to face."

She sighed, closing her eyes again. She felt the bed give a little to one side as he sat down on the edge of it. "You'd better tell me, you know," he said. "Perhaps there's something I can do to help."

"There's nothing anybody can do," she murmured.

"Well, tell me anyway," he said.

Sabrina took a deep breath. "I promised Tassan I'd be back. That was ninety-two years ago."

"Not by your choice," Ford pointed out. "I'm sure he understands—"

"No, Ford, it's not just that. It's—I—we were going to get married. When I came back. I told him maybe a month, maybe a year—not ninety-two! Oh God, he must hate me," she wailed.

Ford was silent for a moment. Then she heard him blow out his breath. "I am so sorry," he said. "I had no idea."

"Nobody did, I think," she said. "Ford, you won't tell anyone? He never did, not in all these years. Perhaps he's forgotten, or changed his mind, or—or—"

"I won't tell," Ford said. "But Sabrina, he has no reason to be angry at you. It's my fault, and I'll tell him so. You never meant this. You were horrified when you found out how long it's been."

"But how can I face him?" she cried. "Did I ruin his life? Will he ever understand?"

Ford took her hand in his and squeezed it. "He's not half the person his reputation claims if he doesn't. Sabrina, if he knew you that well, he must know this is not your fault. He's had time enough to think it through already." He paused. "Now, I want you to stop torturing yourself about this. And I definitely think I must take you to see him as soon as possible after we arrive. You can't keep living with this; best to have it over with."

"I'm not ready!"

"You never will be," he replied. "Listen. I'll call ahead, try to briefly explain things, shoulder the blame and apologize. You don't have to explain it to him."

"But I should be the one—"

"No," Ford said. "You shouldn't. You two will have enough to say to each other without having to get through the boring facts. I'm going to smooth the way for you, Sabrina, and you're going to let me. I owe this to you."

Sabrina looked up at him and took a deep breath, trying to swallow her tears. "You don't owe me anything, you know. Rassir sent you for me. It wasn't your idea."

"No," he said. "But I was the one who did it nonetheless. Let me do this, Sabrina. I don't usually get to atone for my mistakes. I want to, this time."

"Oh, Ford," she sighed. "You're so good to me, so kind."

He chuckled. "Yes, and when we get home you're going to tell everyone that, and perhaps that will change some minds about me. At the very least, I'll enjoy their surprise!"