Dancing in the Dark

I will Miss all of you, Please read

This is a must read

Wow Ok I suck I know I'm so sorry it's been 4 months and a lot has happened.

My friend and her boyfriend are "in love" whatever that means, and are happily together. My "crush" is no more. He's a poophead "fuckboy" and has to always have female attention so I dropped that faster than one could say pudding.

It's been a very rough few months, and I know a lot of you are resentful and annoyed and probably aren't reading any of this and I'll probs get NO votes or comments anymore...

My laptop is kaput, gone, dead, literally won't work so I'm using my parents computer - which is weird af. Guys I'm really sorry I was gone for so long, it's not fair and I'm so sorry.

I know this isn't an update, and that's also really unfair of me to update and not give you that, but I feel I had to explain.

I'm not 100 percent sure if I'm happy anymore, but I'm trying. I'm trying to write, and get back into the swing of things...but it's so hard. I think I'm losing my passion for writing - which has always been my greatest fears.

My outside life was slowly falling apart ... or at least it feels like considering I'm merely a teenage girl and the things that seem important now will not be in at least 5 or so years when I'm off to the world by myself.

I want to leave so badly, and be independent and live my own life. I want to take my own directions, not the ones the teachers throw out at me.

I've been struggling for the past few months, and for that it has put a gigantic hold on my writing. I've lost a numerous amount of people I thought were my friends, but people continue to prove me wrong. Someone I called my best friend turned out to be the opposite and it caused me to lose her. I don't regret it, but that does not mean it doesn't make me sad.

Beside that, my confidence and self esteem had dropped tremendously along with my ability to trust in people.  My "Flirtationship" left me very vulnerable and upset though I pretended it didn't hurt. I stopped talking to my friends about him because I knew that secretly they were tired of hearing about it so I learned to keep it bottled inside and one night it just over flowed. The truth is, you can keep pretending it doesn't hurt, and maybe for a while you fool yourself into believing that it doesn't hurt. But it's there at the end of the day. Who was I trying to fool? My friends/family or myself? I won't let myself get to that low point again.

My friend situation sucks because I feel like I was fooled and jipped. True colors begin to shine in high school- at least that's what I've witnessed.  I cannot stand how much people try to change to fit society's harsh and unfair standards. It drives people to forget how to treat one another, almost as if they forget they're talking to another human being with thoughts and feelings. It sickens me.

My parents and friends aren't 100% aware of this. I'm sure they know I'm obviously not the happiest girl I used to be a year or two ago. I don't enjoy faking smiles though I know many believe its real.

I honestly hate talking about my problems because I know there are people in this beautifully cruel world who have it so much harder than I do or ever will. I feel selfish, but I cannot deny the anxst I feel at night.

It feels so relieving to share this with wattpad, because though I know many of you won't read this or are angry, I know a lot of you were there for me in the start. Kinda like a little family.

Therefor, my grand reveal.

There is a chance I will be leaving wattpad permanently.

It's not something I ever wanted, however I'm unable to meet the standards of my readers and it isn't fair, and I'm afraid I'm losing my passion for writing.

It's not for sure, but it's definitely something I will be thinking about.

Thank you all so much, none of you will ever understand how much you all mean to me.

With Love,

-B