start over | dreamwastaken x reader (sequel to split)

24 | TOO MUCH

CLAY'S POV

How could my girl sleep with my best friend? How could my best friend sleep with my girl? The second question puzzles me more than my first. Nick knew how I felt about her. Even before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. So how could he go and sleep with her? We have a bro code. He broke that.

He broke that before I did the unthinkable and destroyed her. I get it if it had happened after I called it quits but... it wasn't then. Even then it wouldn't have made sense. He knew that I loved her. And always would. She was mine forever.

But Karl was right. She was right. I hadn't always kept to my hand. The guilt did hold heavy after my stupidity took over. We had a pact to never share. But I was sharing myself with others because I was selfish then. I was young and selfish.

It's not like I did it all the time. It happened twice after we tried to stay exclusive. Two times outside the one girl she caught me with. I think that's a pretty good track record for the time we had committed to just the two of us without a label.

Actually, it had been three. The most recent time was just before she moved in with me for the first time. I don't know what had gotten into me. I needed a release. She was working and she wouldn't come. She needed her job to stay afloat. When all I needed was her to stay afloat. The issue was she didn't come to save me when I needed her. But that was my fault.

I never wanted to push my problems onto her because she has enough. So instead of being an adult I fucked my feelings out. I didn't even do it for the sex. I did it for the distraction. I forced the girl out as soon as it was finished. The guilt ate me up inside. But I could take back what had been done.

"Baby." I knock on my door before entering. She left because she needed space. I didn't want to invade her privacy if she wasn't ready. This was her space, her safe space, as much as it was mine and Nick's.

"Come in." She says softly and I slowly enter. She's sat with her legs dangling off the edge of my bed. She looks somehow at peace with all of this. She looks like the weight of the world has been lifted from her shoulders.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Nick the moment it happened." She looks up at me as the words leave her mouth low. Almost as if she's embarrassed by her actions.

"You didn't want to hurt our friendship. His and mine. And ours." I take her hands and crouch down in front of her. Her eyes focus on mine intently. She's going to give me her all. She always has. This is a big weight to carry around. My poor girl. "We make mistakes."

She nods her head and I can tell all she wants to do is be in my arms. She wants to be held and comforted but we need to talk. We can't just let things slip. It's going to break us again. We can't have that. We can't do that again. We can't go toxic.

"I'm sorry for not giving you my all." I sigh as I drift my eyes away from her. I don't know if her eyes will hold hurt but I can't bare to know. I don't want to see it if she is. I've hurt her enough. "I'm sorry for breaking promises and lying. I just hate hurting you. But it seems like all I ever do is hurt you."

"You can't hurt me when I already know." She copies my sigh with one of her own. "Us girls, we are crazy. I've found the hair ties. The Bobby pins. The random shit girls leave behind to mark their territory like they'll be back." She plays with the necklace on my wrist. And there's something about this sweet action that fills my stomach with butterflies and a warmth so powerful I feel like I'm falling more in love with her every time. And each time I don't think that could even be possible. But it is. Because each time she fidgets with it I love her more.