start over | dreamwastaken x reader (sequel to split)

02 | ORLANDO

"I do this every Friday night. So I guess I will see you then." I look at the stranger with blue eyes for one last second before continuing off to my house without another word.

He doesn't follow. He doesn't chase for more. He lets me disappear into the distance never knowing if he'll the see the stranger who made him stop and enjoy the little things in life again. This was a new feeling.

I was so used to someone chasing me. Whoever entered my life chased. Always looked for answers. Always needed to know what was being done and when it was being done that this was... different. Unique. Maybe this was... normal.

I knew that the relationship that Clay and I shared with each other wasn't normal. Our friends had told us. The therapist told us. But we never wanted to change. We didn't want to break the spell that held the two of us bound together. But... then he did... and there was nothing left.

I had to relearn how let someone jump into my life. I had to learn that not being smothered was okay. Not being controlled was okay. And that is how things are supposed to be. I'm not supposed to lose myself in someone else. We are supposed to grow separately but also together. Have our own lives but also one we share together. Even in just a blooming friendship.

When I enter my home it's quiet. There's no sound emanating from inside. It's dark and gloomy. It's a little sad but I have a glow now to light my way. I have pep in my step again. I flick on all the lights leading to my kitchen. I don't want to sit in darkness tonight. I want to feel again.

My stomach rumbles as I stand in the kitchen and I decide that cooking myself dinner feels like too much of a chore. So I just pull a packet of chips from the cupboard and end up having that for my meal. I know it's not great and I should treat my body better. But it is what it is. It's late and despite feeling a warmth I'm tired.

My bed feels inviting but I miss having the comfort of a warm body. At points like these is when I miss Patches. Not Clay, just Patches. She always knew when more love was needed. She was just a great cuddle when cuddles were needed. I needed a Patches.

Instead of cat cuddles I pull a pillow into my chest and turn on my television. Some random show starts playing and I fall asleep to the noise. It brings me the comfort like I used to have falling asleep to Clay chatting with his friends... our friends.

I miss them too. I miss the way George's immaturity pulled me from dark head spaces. And I miss the way Nick held my hand through the bullshit. I miss how they were both there at the drop of a hat. No matter the day. No matter the time. They were there.

When I wake the next morning, my tv is off and the sun is shining through my windows. The bright light has me groaning, wanting to escape under my pillow. But it is also inviting. It makes me want to start my day with my head held high. The sun is the reason I didn't leave this state to start over. The bright days make healing just a little easier.

My heart feels heavy though. This feeling of needing to step out of the routine I have created fills me. I throw on a the hoodie that I left Clay's house in and take in the scent of him. I have yet to wash away his smell. I can't bring myself to do it because... I'm not ready to let go. Letting go will take time. Now is not the time.

The hair on top of my head gets tied back into a bun as I grab my wallet off my dresser and head for the front door of my apartment. My mind is set for a destination. A destination I've visited multiple times since arriving in my new town.

I walk to the bus station which isn't far from my place and buy a ticket. My fingers run over the town printed onto the thick sheet of paper. It's a town that I know like the back of my hand. A town that is ours. I'm supposed to hate it, hate him for breaking me but old habits are hard to break. Especially when you never want them to be broken.