start over | dreamwastaken x reader (sequel to split)

13 | UNLIKE HOME

The way things change when we get to Clay's hurt. They aren't like they have always been. They are... fractured. His bedroom doesn't feel like a comfort place. It feels so foreign that sleeping every night in his bed hurts. It doesn't feel like it's supposed to feel.

Something deep down inside of me knows something horrid has happened while I was gone. People are keeping secrets and it's not just the one that has always had them. All three of the boys are keeping a very deep dark secret that all of them are cued into but me. It makes Clay's house feel unlike home.

Clay, George, and Nick are in the living room watching a movie or show together. I'm sat in my bedroom because it's the only thing that doesn't make my heart feel like it's burning. Not the burning that's good, the aching burn. Like someone has shoved a red hot metal prod through my heart.

I pull up discord on my computer and call a person I've spoken to a lot more now that I've moved back with the boys. He's the one who is up late, who will always answer, who is there when the others are not. He seems to be the only person I can count on. With out how fractured my friendship with the dream team is... I needed someone to cling to.

"Hey!" His voice is bright and cheery as he answers.

I answer back with a greeting shallowed. I'm quiet and can't even take more than one few second glance at his face on my monitor. His smile quickly fades as he notices my sadness. He's been there. He's been in this state. And he more than anyone, will pull you out of that place. Because he knows exactly how dark that place can be.

"Cheer up buttercup." He says as he reaches for a sip of his Cheerwine. "You've got too many smiles around you to be sad." He tries to lift my spirits.

"That's the problem." I mumble as I drop my head to my desk. I want to drive my head through the hard surface. I want to feel the pain. I want to destroy it all, make it disappear. If I just hit until it's gone maybe I'll be gone too. All of the pain would be gone then.

"What did Clay do?" Karl sighs as he pulls his legs up into his arms.

"I mean you probably know. Something is off. I don't know what it is. But Nick and George and Clay have been acting weird. Like they have this massive fucking secret. I genuinely can't take another second of it. If you know what's going on Karl—" I shake my head as I look back up at my monitor. "Please just fucking tell me."

Karl throws his hands up in the air. I don't think he's got much of a clue but I'm sure he knows something. He has to. Even though he's not here, these boys are his best friends. They tell each other everything. They share everything with each other. There is no way they haven't talked about the massive fucking elephant in the room. The one that's absolutely fucking suffocating me.

"I've been busy with Jimmy I haven't had much time to talk to the guys. You know that if I knew something I'd help you, tell you. But I really have no idea what's going on. I'm sorry Butts." Butts, by the way, is short for buttercup. It's the nickname Karl has given me.

"Did Clay see anyone while I was gone?" I choke out. I feel vomit instantly hit the back of my throat the moment the words leave my mouth. I cover my mouth quickly and run for the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.

I can't even picture him with another girl. I know how much him seeing me with Lake hurt. But he's stronger than I will ever be. The thought of him being with another girl absolutely points a loaded gun at my forehead. The thought absolutely finishes me. There's not even a thought of continuing when that thought fills my mind. Just end it. End it... Please.

I hear light tapping on the bathroom door as I let the contents of my dinner pour out into the porcelain toilet beneath my head. The sound of the tapping doesn't stop what's already on it's way out.