MHA Ship angst

(Just me venting)

     So this isn't really a ship. I am just writing to vent a little. ⚠️this could trigger people⚠️
     I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. Lately I've been feeling more alone than ever, but I have so many friends that want to help me. It is my own fault I feel this way. I end up pushing everyone away as soon as I feel like they could do much better than me. All of my friends are so smart and they have to keep explaining things to me. At this point I know I'm probably getting annoying. They have been helping me push toxic people out of my life. That has helped a bit but there is so much happening.
(Now if you have read this far it will probably get a little attention seeking.)
     I mean my nephew just died. I wasn't really close to him but I feel bad that I didn't cry at his funeral. There wasn't much time for me to get close to him. He was only 11 months old and most of his life he was in the hospital. Everyone else was crying at his funeral and I didn't know what to do. They looked at me with a disgusted look, since I wasn't crying for my dead nephew. And now my parents are going back and forth with custody again. I've been trying to get out of the house more but I feel like I'm hurting my parents more. My mom is still not liking the place I chose that I want to go to college and Is trying anything to tell me to go to a closer one. I want to go to a college that lets me study film and I purposely chose the one that is farthest from where we live while still being in the USA. The one I chose is 14 hours away and they want me to go to one that's like 8 hours. I know they want what's best for me but I really like the place I chose and they are trying to change that. I probably sound like a bitch for trying to move so far away, but it feels like my family is suffocating me. Like any time I try to step out of my shell and chose something for me they deny that and tell me to do something completely different.
     My mom friend is getting worried because I've started obsessively scratching my arm when I feel anxious or overwhelmed again. She doesn't know that I used to do it especially when my ex best friend was blaming me for moving schools and for her family drama. My mom friend said she wouldn't worry about it too much cuz I could be doing something worse, so right now she's more focused on my eating habits. One time I texted her while having a mental breakdown, because I felt like my life wasn't going anywhere and everyone would hate me if I did anything I wanted. She has helped me a lot but I don't want to keep bothering her with my problems. She has a lot of things to deal with by herself between school and reconstructing her house plus if she has her own issues that she keeps hidden. My other friend that I went to just to vent a little has family stuff and her own things to vent about. We both vented to each other for a while but she switched friends she vented to so I didn't want to bother her with my issues anymore.
Im going to stop now I'm bothering myself with how much I wrote. I'm gunna post this then leave the app and probably delete it tomorrow.