Who knew

Hiding, failing but dancing anyway

Well, where was I supposed to start?

Of course, the night with him had to be nothing but marvelous...

At that point, I wasn't even trying to hide it all from myself since the appreciation, the adoration, the passion I felt for Marshall became just too much to bear. So, why lie?

I was certain you couldn't catch those kinds of feelings in a matter of a month. The affection was always for me something that should've been waited for, tested, and developed. Something that could've passed my test of genuineness and sincerity. And it happened somehow that meeting Marshall, all my rules and demands vanished completely, replacing it all with the feeling I was afraid to give a name to.

After all, what if he just likes me but doesn't feel the exact same way?

The one thing I was afraid of was to see the regret. It's not like I waited for any kind of continuation since the last time made everything clear about Marshall and his ways with relationships. But I just didn't want to feel thrown away again. If we spent the night together then yeah, let it be. Let's make it look like it was just one of those things we both needed and now we are back to the old ways.

Of course, I craved for a completely different scenario but my life wasn't a part of some silly cliche book with a happy ending, right?

I opened my eyes to the gloomy daylight, desperately trying to prolong the fact that I had to face the morning and closing them again a couple of times. My biggest fear was to see the empty bed and then awkwardly meet Marshall somewhere in the house. I doubted he wanted to cuddle or have any "sweet morning time" but it would be nice to deal with it all, waking up together.

I had no idea, though, that we would wake up that way.

Just after opening my eyes, I felt the morning soft silence in the air. The faint blue sky with woolly white clouds was peeking in the window through the closed grey curtains. The room felt nice and cozy, despite the absence of sunlight, and I enjoyed the comfy feeling of the cotton sheets on my skin. It was quiet and peaceful around, taking away my thoughts and forcing me to succumb to the sleepy feeling.

The feeling that instantly was gone as I became aware of two hands resting on my bare hips.

Oh, that's it, the wakeup together, isn't it?

I've told you, I've been imagining it. How would it be if he actually hadn't left that time in my apartment? Some part of me reckoned I would've never known the answer. But there they were.

His hands, his hands, his hands...

On me.

Jesus, it was as if I'd never heard of peace. All I could know in that world that morning was Marshall's hands holding me firmly without letting go. And I let myself a little moment of feeling their slightly rough touch unapologetically, perfectly knowing it could be the last time. That's also when I realized one more important fact: not only Marshall's hands were around my hips.

In fact, Marshall's nose and Marshall's face were right on the level with my lower back, his calm and steady breath tickling my skin from behind.

Oh so...

I had to close my eyes again just to process the position. I should've been perfectly fine with waking up near a man who I spent the night with but instead, I could feel all the existed feelings in the world trying to overwhelm me. I wanted it all, I subconsciously wanted it from the very beginning. And now I had it.