Who knew

Liar

I would lie saying that I hated to break that make-out session. No, even worse. I would be the biggest liar on the planet if that happened. So, I'm just gonna be honest.

Being pressed to the door by Marshall Mathers had been the best feeling I'd experienced for a while. First, in New York near my hotel door. Now near my own apartment. Seemed like an appealing pattern to follow if not the fact that he'd already dumped me once after the night we'd spend together.

Ugh, if not.

I guess it should've been the clearest thing ever. He rejected you, now you have to reject him. He used you, now you have to remember that and not let him do that again. Don't let him fuck you up more cause the price of that fuck up would be way too high, and you would have to deal with your stupid feelings all by yourself.

Along with the pitiful memories of his touches.

I kept repeating that mantra in my head the whole night, persuading myself that I did the right thing pushing Marshall away, and woke up the next day, as they say, ready to rumble. Which apparently meant confronting Marshall if necessary or at least for the first few moments after the wake-up. Further, I had to find some decent distractions.

No wonder Josh who called in the morning suggested bringing the breakfast to my place suited my plans just fine. After all, we were hanging out often those days, weren't we?

Sure, we were. I didn't make it up. But was it fair to say that there was something important between us? I don't think so. As much I was trying to see something in Josh that could've made me look at him as more than a friend, I never succeed in moving ahead for much. A couple of nice touches, two or three lovely glances, and several pretty romantic dinners together didn't help too.

Who was I kidding? I was head over heels with Marshall unluckily for my poor heart and had to do something with it before the whole project was over for both of us. I thought of it a lot of times those days and knew it would be hard to say goodbye.

Well, for me. For at least, a few important reasons.

'These pancakes are heaven.'

I mumbled with an expression of deep and complete satisfaction as I put another bite of a delicious pancake with blueberry sauce, closing my eyes for a moment and smiling at the sweet taste in my mouth. I was a big fan of pancakes of every kind, and there was no reason to hide it. That morning they were the only thing keeping me away from thinking about Marshall.

'I knew you would like them. They are from my favorite place not far away from here. We should go there together for breakfast once' Josh told me with a joyful smirk clearly enjoying my reaction and taking a sip of his coffee from my criminally white cup. It was something around eight in the morning on the clock, and as I had a bit of time before work, we were sitting at my kitchen table and chatting. Somewhere in the back of my head, I was developing a thought that I didn't want to go anywhere that day.

'Sure. Perhaps, tomorrow?' I inquired almost mindlessly chewing with a mouth full of pancakes. I didn't have to think about his suggestion that much. We were hanging out like that from time to time but Josh let out a small chuckle.

'You know I'm always free for you.'

His voice sounded softer and gentler this time as he hid his glance behind the cup and made one more mindless sip. I stopped chewing not sure how to react because we both knew what it meant. Phrases like that were thrown occasionally, and I had to find some solutions to escape the unpleasant consequences.

Clever much, am I?

'I wish I could be free as much too' I made a small awkward laugh, though, way less suspicious than I expected. What else was I supposed to say? "Oh, Josh, it's so sweet of you but I'm actually into the guy who rejected me?"