Finding myself

Chapter 99

"You need to eat luna." He said firmly.

"Try me," I said or more accurately growled. My wolf was at the surface so my words weren't coherent. But he still understood. I narrowed my eyes at him, challenging him. Besides these were the first few words I said in days,

He looked a bit taken aback by the challenge in my voice. And he backed away immediately.

"You would rather keep that wound bleeding rather than accept me?" He asked pointing at my shoulder.

"I would rather drink wolfsbane than accept you." I spat back. His eyes filled with pain at that.

I felt satisfied again.

I will never let him have me again. Ever.

"Did someone hurt you?" Blaze asked me suddenly shifting the topic.

My head snapped to him.

"Without your permission?" He said. Ah, so he was referring to the rape scene. Funnily enough, it didn't hurt as much as what he did. Perhaps it was the feeling of betrayal. Of trust-breaking between mates. There was nothing worse he could have done to me. No greater betrayal than violating his rights as my mate. 

"No I gave them permission," I growled back even if it wasn't true. And he knew it too. He was the last person I would discuss this topic with.

His eyes seemed to light up. With realization? What was it that he was thinking? And then I knew. He knew about my denial issues. About how I would rather deny it ever happened than accept it for what it was. He finally knew how deep it ran. He looked at me with pity again.

I gritted my teeth. I didn't need his damn pity. I needed him dead.

Maybe out was instinct or maybe it was because he kept his bond wide open so I could call him out if I wanted, but I could read his emotions easier now. What exactly he was thinking and everything. Aah, the moongoddess made the bond so elegant didn't she?

"I used to feel it too you know? In the beginning, before you blocked me out. I could feel your pain when it was intense after I had exiled you and you disappeared. I just didn't know what it was. I didn't connect the dots." He admitted.

"To inflict any kind of pain on you gives me intense satisfaction," I growled back.

He sighed again.

"I will be leaving the first chance I get. As soon as the farewell part finishes I am leaving too." I growled at him lowly. Something flashed in his eyes. Anger? Fear? Sadness? I couldn't tell. It was gone as quickly as it came.

"Can you atleast get on the bed instead of sitting on the floor? I could have a new one over in since this one was broken by you. I could ask someone to clean it all up if you want." He said changing the topic and I just glared at him. He wanted me to forget what he did, did he? No way.

He had tried to move me to a different cell too. One with better facilities. I wasn't stable enough to move back onto my apartment yet. I had growled at him. I didn't want anything he had to give me. I didn't want anything from him.

After trying a few more times to feed me and change my bandages, he left. Realizing nothing was going to work on me anymore. He couldn't get close to me. I wouldn't trust him again.

He would come every day after that without fail. Trying to talk to me nonchalantly about everything going on in the pack. Even if I didn't need him to update. I could hack into his phone and everyone else's just as easily. He talked to me about everything and anything. And I watched him like a predator stalking prey. Biding my own time until I had him where I wanted. Close enough to slit his throat.

He tried several times to change my bandages and feed me. I must look like a zombie now.

I just glared at him, not moving from my corner of the wall. Like an injured animal.

He knew I would claw his eyes out of became close.

His presence became a routine soon and I was getting tired. I knew he was planning something but I wanted him to hurry along. Between losing control to the Zian and the monster. I was hardly in control long enough to think through a plan. But at this point, I didn't even care if I revealed my powers. I just wanted him dead.

It was after Blaze left that day that someone slipped a small package into my room. There were footsteps, but no scent.

Sam's spy!

I opened the package to reveal a vial. Wolfsbane. But probably this was stronger than the ones I was used to. I could tell from the scent since I didn't recognize it. He told me the punishment was coming but I dint think he was this angry. But he had reason to be. I had messed up colossally. I almost revealed everything about them.

If nothing else Blaze knew of my training among other intimate details and he had marked me. And he knew I had a lover.

That would be plenty enough. Though I thought Sam would be more pleased for me trying to announce our love. That wasn't the case I suppose.

I tuned the vial in my hands. There wasn't much but I had a feeling I wasn't going to enjoy this one at all.

I contemplated throwing away the poison. No one has to know. But then I decided against it.

He will know for sure. And then the consequences would be worse. And besides, that would mean that I won't have access to the vampires' plans anymore and I won't be able to spy on him. If I had any hope of stopping the way, I had to stick to him like glue.

So I took a deep breath and downed the vial in one go.