I wake up to the sound of heavy breathing.
It took me a second to register that I was actually awake, and then another few seconds to realize that the heavy breathing was coming from the other side of the bed. I slowly roll over and glance to where Owen is currently sitting.
I open my eyes all the way and see tear streaks down Owen's cheeks, and I can tell that he isn't okay. This gets my still half-asleep self up very quickly. He jolts back whenever he sees me sit up, but eventually calms a little when he looks at me.
"Owen," I whisper, careful not to touch him, just in case. "Hey, what's wrong?"
He takes more heavy breaths, and I can tell that his thoughts are running wild at the moment. He frantically tries to find something to do with his hands and ends up just playing with his fingers. He looks back at me, and I can see the tears still forming in his eyes. He lets out a shaky breath before speaking. "I think... I think I'm having a panic attack," he says quietly, barely loud enough for me to hear him.
I've had panic attacks before, and they are... not fun. I hate that he's having to go through one, because they're horrible to deal with.
"O, hey, look at me. Is it okay for me to touch you?" I ask softly, wanting to make sure he was okay with it before I tried anything. He nods, and I scoot over closer to him. I sit right in front of him, taking his hands in mine. "We're gonna take some deep breaths, okay? Close your eyes, just focus on my breathing."
He did as he was told, trying hard to take deep breaths that aligned with mine. Soon, his shaky breathing became a bit more relaxed. Still not back to normal, but making progress. When I open my eyes, I see that his are already open, fixed on me. I try to comfort him as much as possible without invading his space, so I just rub my thumbs against his hands that I'm currently holding.
He still doesn't speak, but eventually, he pulls me into a tight hug. He doesn't let go, and I rub his back, trying my best to comfort him. We stay like that for a few minutes until my legs get tired of leaning forward, and then I slowly pull out of his grip. He looks like he's calmed down quite a bit, and he no longer has tears rolling down his cheeks, but you can still see the tear stains.
"You okay?" I hesitantly ask.
"Um, yeah, I think so," he responds quietly. "Sorry for waking you up."
"No, don't be sorry, O," I assure him. "I'm always here for you. Even if it's-" I check my watch, "two AM."
He gives me a sad smile. "Thanks, Jenny."
"Of course. Is there anything else I can do? Do you wanna talk about it or do you just want to go back to sleep?"
He looks down for a few seconds, looking seemingly lost in thought. "Yeah, just... can you hold me for another minute?"
Immediately, I pull him into another hug. He lays back on his pillow so that I still have my arms around him, but I have my head laying on his chest. His arms are wrapped around me tightly, and I can tell he doesn't want to let go.
"Jenny?" he eventually says after another minute of laying there.
"Yeah?"
"It was overthinking. My thoughts kind of spiral sometimes, and they get out of control. I wasn't able to fall asleep, so my thoughts got really out of hand."
"Owen," I say gently. "I'm sorry, I know what that feels like. That's what happened to me on nights when I didn't want to fall asleep because of the nightmares. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. I mean, it's not, but it's okay," he laughs sadly. "Just... I don't like change. And things are gonna change soon, and I hate it. I hate that I'm not gonna be around you all day, I hate that I'm going to have to leave some of my best friends in the entire world. I don't want this to end."
"I know, O, I know," I say. "But we're still going to keep in touch. I'm not going to leave you. You know how clingy I am, I'll probably be FaceTiming you every day."
"Yeah, I know. But I'm just as clingy as you are, Jenny. You know that weekend when I went home? It felt like torture being away from everyone, especially you. I just don't know if I can deal with that again."
"I know it sucks, but I promise it'll be okay. We'll be okay. We're gonna get through it together, us clingy people."
He smiles. "Thanks, Jenny. I hope you know how much you mean to me, seriously. I know you always talk about how you feel safe around me, and how I feel like home, but it's the same for me. I feel safe when I'm with you, I feel like I don't have to pretend to have it all together. You're too good to me, bugaboo."
"You deserve only the best," I respond. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what. No matter how messy things get. I'll stay right here."
"For someone who has never been in a relationship before, you really know how to make someone feel loved."
"I try my best," I smile. "I don't even really have to try, it's easy when I'm around you. I care about you so much, and all I want is for you to be happy."
"You make me happy, Jenny."
"Don't even start with all the mushy stuff, because once we start, I won't be able to stop. I could write an essay on how much you mean to me, and even that probably wouldn't be enough."
"Speaking of... I wrote you a letter a while ago. I never got to give it to you, but I pretty much DID write an essay on how much you mean to me."
"Aw, why didn't you get to give it to me?"
"Too scared," he laughs. "It was... a little much, and we hadn't confessed our feelings yet. I just decided to leave all those words in the letter unsaid."
"First of all, you just made a Ruel reference. And second of all, even if you didn't give it to me, that's still very sweet of you."
"Yeah, I made that reference just for you, Jenny. But I will give you the letter one day soon, promise," he says, making me grin.
"Do you think you can fall back asleep?" I ask.
"I think so, I can try at least. You're legally obligated to keep holding me, though."
"Want me to spoon you?"
"Please," he smiles. Owen rolls over and I pull myself closer to him, wrapping my arms tightly around him. He's several inches taller than me so it was a bit hard to get comfortable at first, but eventually, we did.
"Jenny, thank you," Owen whispers.
"Anytime, O. Try to get some rest, okay?"
"Okay," he agrees. I stay awake until I hear Owen's deep breaths, signaling that he finally fell asleep. Once I knew that he was asleep and okay, I drifted back off to sleep.
