Matters | JENSOO

Lies were forgiven.

There was hope in her voice and Jisoo was now in so much agony. She pictured a different kind of night; a night where she didn't have to hurt Jennie again.

"Jennie... I-"

"Yes?" Jennie replied abruptly, she reached out to her hand, Jisoo could only imagine the warmth of her hand under her mitten. Jennie's eyes were twinkling with hope and her mouth was slightly opened. The girl held her breath.

Lisa was right, it was supposed to be easy.

"I will make it brief," Jisoo broke their eye contact, "Great job on your exams, I hope you will get the best result for your hard work... I think, I've been unfair to you for quite a long time... and I... I want to thank you for being kind to me, for giving me time. We used to argue quite a lot... but now that we have spent times together, I think we begin to understand each other a lot better. And... you should know that I appreciate you, Jennie. You... you once told me that I made you happy, but I haven't told you this... that... I'm always happy when you're around. Even when you're not. Thinking about you... makes me happy."

There was too much that she had prepared to say, her heart had been exploding with all the feelings, the expectation and the longing. She thought tonight would be the day. She thought she finally could liberate herself in every words she could think of. She thought she could finally taste her. She was prepared for an entire different night.

Jisoo took a deep breath before she finally said, "Merry Christmas, Jennie. I hope you find your happiness. I think it's time for you to go home."

Jennie instantly let go of her hand, she took a step back.

"I'm sorry... what?"

Her head hurt too much, her heart hurt too much. It seemed like everything hurt too much. Jisoo convinced herself that she could take and bear it all.

"Jisoo... What are you doing? I thought..."

Jisoo couldn't bear to see Jennie, she just stared down and cursed herself inside.

"Is that all?" Jennie tried to comprehend what just happened.

Jisoo nodded.

"Are you for real?"

Jisoo stayed silent.

"Don't you fucking tell me that this was all you wanted to say. You promised me. You're fucking promised me, for God's sake, Jisoo..."

"Jennie..."

"Tell me everything, for God's sake, damn it!" Jennie took another step back, her breath was harsh and heavy.

"Jisoo, please..." she begged, "Tell me honestly, is that all? Is that all you really wanted to say?"

... the first snow was always special; they said... all lies would be forgiven...

"Jennie, don't make me lie to you..."

"We both know, Jisoo... Do you think I'm stupid?" her voice was cold, "Or do you want me to say it out loud to you? Why are we doing this, Jisoo? I thought we were progressing, I thought-"

"Jennie... I'm sorry..."

"Then tell to my face you really didn't want to kiss me that night!" Jennie had lost it, "Tell to my face that I am just a friend that makes you fucking happy when I'm around! That you really honestly don't want something more, saying something more... Fucking tell me-"

"Jennie-"

"What is it, Jisoo? You changed your mind the last minute! What the fuck is happening? Don't tell me you're just playing with my heart all this time!"