Meant to Be My Balance

Chapter 53

"Saints, Alina, is that—"

"Yes," I told Mal, my voice a mere breath. "Shut up for a second, I need to think."

Aleksander couldn't create a new Fold without me. He could never escape the volcra, the darkness. But then what was this? An echo? Had he lost his control, lost his mind, so much that he would risk his life and sanity to plunge Fjerda into eternal darkness.

My feet moved before I could, and with each minute, the Fold stretched higher, the sky grew darker. It didn't spread across the horizon like it should've, instead a beam of blackness connecting the sky to the earth.

Fjerdans were running toward the docks, and I hoped Mal would be capable enough to protect our ship as I made my way past the heavy, secure walls of the Ice Court.

It was not difficult to find Aleksander. He was at the courtyard in front of the Grand Palace and Rasmus Grimjer and his father were lying in front of him. Dead? But Aleksander's eyes were focused on the thick darkness that was growing steadily wider, stretching across the land.

Saints. He couldn't engulf the whole of Fjerda and escape... but he was using the same control and precision he had taught me for the Cut to control how far the darkness would expand. He didn't want to create another massive tear across Fjerda—no, he wanted to swallow up the Ice Court in shadows.

"Aleksander," I said, my voice low. It wouldn't have mattered if I whispered—he still heard me.

"Get out of here, Alina." He didn't turn, but his entire posture had changed, dark-clad shoulders stiffening, arms trembling as he held back the darkness.

"You're going to kill everyone here. You're going to kill yourself if you do this."

I stepped closer, enough that I could see him shaking his head. "I know what I'm doing now. I've studied thousands of—"

"I don't care," I said curtly, lifting my hand to his shoulder. He went completely and utterly still, and the dark column shifted unsteadily. "You will stop now, or you will let me be another one of your casualties."

I finally turned to meet his eyes. The dark hair across his forehead, the beads of sweat at his temple. Saints, those silver eyes. "They hurt you, Alina. They took you from me."

"Aleksander. Please."

And finally, finally, he met my eyes. And it broke him.

They filled with tears, his chest rising and falling far too fast, the shadows around his feet collecting, growing.

"You are stronger than this. You are better than this."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Alina." It was a mere rasp, but the message was clear. He had told me he would let every Ravkan die to save me. I should not have underestimated him.

But he should not have underestimated me. I closed my eyes and sought the making at the heart of the world, the strength of our powers, the vastness of it. Are we not like all things? And in that moment, I was. The trees bowing against the wind, the ice against my feet. In that moment, the bond between me and Aleksander pulsed, and I reached toward it with all the light I could summon.

They say the sun blinked out in that moment. That was how much power I summoned, channeling it all against Aleksander's darkness. But he did not shy away from it, nor did he fight back. He opened his arms to it, embraced it, let it overpower him. And when he collapsed into my arms, I held him amidst the chaos, amidst the corpses of the Fjerdan royalty, the bloody snow.

He woke up hours later, still in my arms, his gray eyes searching mine. "You stopped me," he rasped.

I let a small smile stretch across my face. "I always will."

He held my gaze for a long moment before... laughing. It was nothing more than a dry chuckle, a tired sound, but his eyes had lightened, the burden lessening.

He could have stood at any moment, but he stayed where he was, his head in my lap, my fingers running through his dark hair. "Bloody and scarred, you are beautiful, Alina Starkov." His voice was quiet, meek, even a bit hopeful.

Dirt stained his high cheekbones, the dark stains contrasting against his fair skin, his gray eyes, his rosy lips.

"I can't say the same for you."

It was a lie. I was lying.

"I will never let you do anything like that again," I promised, pushing Aleksander away from me. Saints, his big head was heavy.

He stood almost reluctantly. "And I will never let you out of my sight." I was not prepared for the intensity of his eyes, the anger—no, the hurt. Raw and open and so unendingly sad.

And before I knew it, his lips were against mine, and just like his eyes, they spoke—no, screamed—his love for me. He held my face with gentle hands, but his lips... they were ravenous, greedy, hungry for the very sight of me, the feeling of me against him.

And that pain against my wrist had blinked out of existence, power surging inside me, hope and hurt and hate and... and love.

Love.

For this monster of a man. For all his beautiful cruelty, for all his painful derision. I had fallen in love with every single part of him, good and bad.

"My Alina," he whispered against my lips. It was a brief reprieve, because his lips returned a moment later, filling me with every desire I ever felt. An eternity was not long enough to soak in the feeling of Aleksander's kiss.

We stood like that for a long time. Our hearts beating in sync, power flooding between our kiss, our bodies pressed together, arms around each other. He kissed away my every tear, silenced my every apology.

"Fjerda is without a ruler." I said, shaking my head.

"I'll deal with it."

"Jarl Brum will be next in—"

"Alina." His lips were gentle, but insistent, against mine. "I will take care of him."

"More death, Aleksander?" I looked up, meeting his eyes, watching them soften in sympathy. How could I ever think him indifferent, when he felt so much, when he carried the pain of our people on his shoulders?

"Save your mercy for someone more deserving." My stomach churned, but I nodded. "Make sure the Grisha are safe on the boat. Find the innocents. Help them."

"The innocents you hurt in your quest for revenge," I deadpanned.

His dark gaze lowered. "I'll meet you at the ship—if the tracker even managed to protect it."

Even I couldn't help my lips from quirking into a smile.