Meant to Be My Balance

Chapter 9

MY BLACK KEFTA felt tight around me, constricting, as the Darkling leaned into me, his lips near my ear.

"And what do you think you're doing?" he rasped.

I fought not to look up. "You told me to get dinner."

I gave in, my eyes locking on the hard set of his jaw, the cold, irritated smile. "I also remember telling you that people needed to see you, Alina. Their queen. Not some childish girl making friends with enemies of the crown."

My hands clenched into fists. "He's Grisha. He's a child. He's one of us."

The Darkling took a bite of his food, seemingly at ease, but I saw the way the pale skin at his temple pinched together. "These people, these friends of yours, they betrayed me."

"I did the same thing," I argued, "if not worse."

Now, the Darkling's lazy gray eyes drifted to me, lips curling up. His voice dropped to a seductive whisper. "And I fully intend to punish you for that, Alina."

My cheeks grew hot and I forgot what I was supposed to say next. The Darkling continued eating and I shifted in my seat, picking at the rye and herring. I dared to look up, catching Adrik's glance on me, his eyes narrowed. He shouldn't be worrying about these things—about me.

"You separated him from his sister." The accusation was clear in my voice.

A sigh. "Didn't I just tell you that they're traitors."

"And?" I pressed. "At least let them train together."

His knuckles turned white from clutching his spoon. "I tire of giving you everything your heart desires without so much as gratitude."

I scoffed. "Excuse me?"

"I saved your friends, I allowed you Genya, I allowed you a visit with an otkazat'sya, Alina. A man whose very existence defies my rule." He was keeping his voice low, but the danger in his eyes could be seen by everyone. "I have mercy on the boy for you and you ask for more? Do not be greedy, Alina. It is not befitting of a queen."

My mouth hung open. "You take away everyone I love, then sentence them to lives of imprisonment, then expect me to fall to my knees?"

The Darkling finally faced me, jaw hard, a bead of sweat against his pale skin. The vein at his forehead throbbed and he raised his voice, only enough for me to hear clearly, "If it were up to me, they would all be dead, Alina. I want them dead." His voice shook.

I dared to ask, voice softening. "Then why aren't they?"

Please, I begged. Show me that there's some humanity still inside you.

The Darkling's lips curved into a cold smile. "Because they will be dead. Be it fifty years or a hundred, but they will be dead, and I will be here, Alina. I will be the only thing still here."

He stood from the table, his food left unfinished, and I gaped at his dark form disappearing past the double doors.

***

When I returned to my room after dinner, there was a note on my bed.

Library, was all it said, but it was enough. I was no more than his slave, here to do his bidding when he called. Forget that I was immortal, considered a saint, and could summon the sun at my beck and call.

"And here I thought the life of a queen was one of luxury and relaxation. Why do you think I chose to come back to you?"

The Darkling gave me one of his rare smiles. "If you'd like to be like the tsaritsa—"