Moving In - A Vinnie Hacker Story

Moving In S3 Pt1 - I Think You Should Go

*Y/n's POV*

I was sitting on my bed, icing my bloody hand, and watching Vinnie clean up my room. I was having the
same problem that I had before we went on a break.

I didn't feel like myself. It felt like I was in someone else's body. I was completely dissociated.

David sat next to me and tried to get me to talk, but I didn't feel in control of my body. I couldn't move my mouth, let alone talk.

I kept replaying the looks on their faces when they saw me like this. David looked scared and Vinnie looked absolutely horrified.

The skateboard broke clean in half, so he could see what I bought him. He also saw the remnants of my desk all over my room. Our desk. It was too late for our desk. It was gone.

David told me why he was even there in the first place. Parker showed up at Vinnie's house. He livestreamed the whole thing. The police and his PO locked him back up for violating his parole and trespassing.

David saw the whole thing, so he came over right away to see if I was okay. Apparently he saw Vinnie running into the building at the same time.

He assumed that it was because of Parker. He had no idea that it was because Vinnie realized that he said all of that inexplicably horrible shit to and about me, just for him to be proven wrong an hour later.

A lot happened in that hour. I broke down in that hour. I changed in that hour. I couldn't look him in the eye. All of the love was still there, but hate infiltrated too. I hated him. And he knew that.

—

V: Y/n?

I didn't respond. I couldn't respond. I couldn't talk.

V: I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't really mean much. You told me the truth and I chose to write you off for it. You're not stupid, you're the smartest person I know. You're not a liar, not a fraud, not crazy. Nothing is wrong with you. I was just so upset. It was so hard to think clearly. It doesn't excuse it though. I love you so much. So so incredibly much. Please look at me. Please don't be disgusted by me.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't move. I couldn't see. My eyes were not filled with tears like before. They were sort of glazed over and my vision was blurry. I felt nothing.

Nothing he was saying registered for me. I could hear him, but I wasn't listening. My brain wouldn't allow it.

Juniper told me that I do something called trauma blocking. It's when something in your life happened that was too traumatic for your brain to continue to cope with gets blocked out. You don't remember it really. You know it happened, sometimes. But, you don't really understand it because it doesn't feel like one of your memories. It doesn't really feel like it happened to you.

It normally takes a bit for that to kick in. Your brain has to register that it is too hard to handle first before blocking it out.

I'm not quite there yet, and honestly, I'm not sure if this is traumatic enough for me to block. But, all I know is that I cannot process any of my emotions right now.

I let out too many at the same time and became hysterical. But, when David and Vinnie walked in and I stopped laughing and looked around my room, it all disappeared.

V: Y/n? Are you okay?
D: Hey, babes. I need you to say something so I can tell if you're alright.
V: You can shout, yell, cry, whisper, talk. You can do anything just give us some sort of indication that you're okay.

I'm not okay. Why would they ask me to do that? Clearly, I am not fucking okay. I need them to leave. I need to be alone. Or at least not with them.